Bad Habit
by camypoo
Summary: Angie McGraw has a problem. She's not exactly sure what her problem is yet, but she knows it's there... and it's driving her insane. When Finn Hudson finds out about a bad habit Angie has, he attempts to help her; but instead of being a help mission, it becomes a war between Angie and herself. And the only way out is Ryder Lynn... but what if he's not even enough? (Ryder Lynn/OC)
1. Chapter 1

**Contains; self harm, child abuse and mental disorders. **

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Everyone always thought I was insane ... probably am. Only insane people harm themselves intentionally. I have reasons... I'm not just insane, although I think I am.

My reasons... I don't know, do I have a reason? Well, my parents are shitty people. No, I mean it. They don't care about me, never have. I haven't had something to eat in a while... They neglect me. I know I could probably take care of myself now that I'm 16, but this has been going on since I was 3 or 4- they've locked me in the bathroom every day and done their illegal things.

I needed something to distract myself while I starved in the small bathroom... and the only thing in that I was able to get myself to _do _any damage was a lighter... and, you're already one step ahead of me. Yes, I do burn myself. Have been for ages now... and I feel crazy.

It's an addiction- no matter how hard I try to stop I just can't. Like drugs, and my Mother has made a good example of that.

Because of how quiet and scared I am of everyone, I have no friends. Like, no one. I never talk at school and I walk around with my head down always, going through my own thoughts. People give me stares and people know I hear them when they talk behind me back, but none of them seem to care.

This burning, it's become some sort of crazy thing which I have to do whenever I get a chance. It's like my skin wants to be burnt, even though there's so much pain...

I always sit in the bathroom at lunch - I'm never in the caferteria as I never have any money and tend to eat out of trash cans. When I go to the bathroom, I sit in one of the cubicles until the noise outside fades and I slowly and carefully harm myself.

That's what I was doing today, except I hadn't gotten to the actually self harming bit yet. The noise seemed to take forever to go away, and everyone was taking super long by their lockers, probably just to annoy me...

After about 5 minutes, the noise was gone, and all that was left was my shallow breathing filling the air.

I pulled down my jeans slowly from the top, moving it down enough just so it showed my thigh and wouldn't stain any of my clothes when the blood was to drip. I fished through my small, black bag and found the green lighter, which I was now holding in my shaky hand.

I brought it to my thigh, constantly trying to get it to work, but the trembling of my hands restricted myself from getting the lighter to even come out with a small spark.

After an unknown amount of time, I finally managed to light it, bringing to my leg and I actually felt the sizzling before the blood started to ooze out of my skin and blisters began to form around the edges of the burn. I bit my lip to stop myself from screaming, but I couldn't stop the tears that fell like waterfalls.

I couldn't help but think how weird I was as I did this... What kind of person does this to themselves anyway? A weird one... and that's why I do this. I've been driven insane my whole life, leading me to be that myself.

As I burnt my leg, I neglected to realise I was shrieking loudly... but I did realise the door to the bathroom was now open, and someone was walking in.

I tried so hardly to drop my lighter from my hand, trying to stop myself from hurting myself any further, just in case the person who walked in hears me... but I couldn't take it away. I couldn't stop myself from doing this. It wasn't an obsession, it was my life. My life was reflecting onto how I hurt myself- my life was scarred, I was too.

I heard heavy footsteps over my whimpers before the door to my cubicle opened slowly. I looked up at the figure, the lighter still against my thigh, burning me more than ever. I could barely see the person through my teary eyes, but I could tell his mouth was wide open. Who wouldn't be shocked finding a girl in the bathroom burning herself? I expected to see him run, but he stayed glued to his spot. As my vision got clearer, I recognised the man... and just off the top of my head, I remembered his name;

Finn Hudson.

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	2. Chapter 2

I was in complete shock.

I couldn't move, nor could I think straight. My mind was foggy and going through different things a mile a minute. And I was trembling harder than an earthquake.

As I was in a complete stage of panic, I freaked and dropped my lighter on the ground, making a clatter on the grimy tiles.

"Wha-what are you doing, Angie?" Finn asked, after a long minute of silence. We didn't talk for a while after that. It was a completely scary silence. It was haunting me.

"This is the girls bathroom," I said bluntly. "You're not allowed in here." Finn disregarded my comment and continued. "Do you need to get that cleaned?" He asked, concern written all over his face. "I-I'm okay."

"Do you need to talk about... this?" Finn asked again, but I shook my head. "No. I-I'm fine." I stuttered again, trying to stand up, but a sudden pain shot through my leg, causing me to sit back down. "We'll talk here." Finn sighed, sitting on the ground in front of me. "I don't need to talk." I told him through gritted teeth. "Well, Angie-"

"How do you know my name?" I interrupted, gripping onto my leg to try and suppress the pain. "I have heard about you. Anyway, we are taking about it." Finn stated stubbornly. "What if i don't want to?!" I shouted, a small sob coming out of me. "Well, you obviously can't move anywhere, can you?"

"No," I sighed angrily. "Well, we can talk or we can get your leg cleaned up." Finn suggested. I wanted to suppress telling Finn was as long as possible, but I know I would have to tell him eventually. And I hate myself for letting him see me. I shouldn't have even bothered to do this today.

"Clean." I sighed as Finn showed a goofy grin. "Don't freaking smile about this, it's not funny." Finn's smile faded quickly before standing up. "I was just-just saying thank you for agreeing that I should help clean up your leg." Finn sighed before holding out his hand. "Then you have to tell me why you're doing this."

I bluntly agreed to him before attempting to pull myself up with the help of Finn. When I did, I stumbled over myself and fell onto the wall, struggling to hold myself up. This happened every single time. It only took around 10 minutes before the pain would go away. "Help?" Finn asked, taking a couple of steps towards me. "Yeah," I croaked out as Finn gripped my waist and helped me walk to wherever we were going.

"You are too light." Finn whispered and I slapped his hand away. I was about to come back with something witty, but I fell on the ground, right onto my burnt leg. I screeched quietly, tears falling out of my eyes. "Shut up! Can't you just leave me alone?" I shouted. "I'd leave you alone if you weren't crying, weren't burning yourself, weren't lying on the floor and weren't, like, less than 30 pounds!"

"I am not less than 30 pounds. Don't just assume that because I haven't eaten in ages and I really want something to eat!" I shouted before burying my head into the ground. "Come on." Finn said gently, picking me up bridal style and settling me on a chair.

He left the room and came with a small, black, plastic container. Finn gave it to me and took the seat next to me. "Open," he said excitedly. I slowly pulled open the lid and inside the container was...rice?

"Eat. I have to find the stupid medical stuff." Finn muttered, standing and walking to the small room attached to the room I was in- I think it's the choir room.

I stared at the food for a moment before digging into it. It was the best thing I had eaten in years

After I finished eating, I was tempted to run, but then I remembered I couldn't, all because of the thing that got me in this room.

Finn came back into the room, holding a medical kit. He then started to clean up my leg, which was killing me on the inside. I managed to hold in my pain for a while, but I finally snapped. "Do you have any effin' idea what you're doing?" I snapped, looking over at him. "I have a slight idea." I groaned as he finished off his job and started to ask me questions.

"Why?" Finn whispered, trying to make eye contact with me. "I am loopy. We're done. I know the number to the mental hospital off by heart." I said, looking over at him with a nod. "You're not _loopy_, and I'm not sending you to a mental hospital." Finn shook his head slowly before looking back down at my leg. "Can you just tell me why?"

"Do you really want to know all about my depressing life?" I asked again, looking at the ground in front of me. "Just why are you doing this?"

"I was 3 or 4 or something, I don't know. Well, my parents suddenly decided they didn't want me any more They didn't kick me out, they just kind of disowned me. They would lock me in the bathroom and do their thing- drugs, sex, anything really. I was neglected by them, I could barely do anything with myself, so I went full loopy. And when everything started getting worse, like, I was being pressured into things by my own parents- nothing happened- I started feeling like I wasn't good enough and I needed to distract myself from everything, and the only thing I had access to was my lighter, so... " Finn and I were silent from then on.

I looked up at his face, which seemed deep in thought. Finally, he spoke up, with something that shocked me so much. "You're living with me now."

"What?" I spat out, watching his as he stood up and walked to the piano. "Yeah. You are staying with me. I have a spare room in my apartment and I can't let you live in that hell hole. I don't want you hurting yourself any more " Finn said, turning around to face me. "You barely know anything about me! All you know is my name and my past life, which I really didn't want to tell you because I'm ashamed and scared and crazy!" I shouted, using my left leg to knock the chair next to me over.

"Angie, I know it hasn't been long since I've met you, but I just want to keep you safe, and I have an idea as to how I can help you get over this." Finn picked up his bag and walked over to me, helping me up. "What is it?"

"You'll see, but you're going to have to direct me to your house to pick up your stuff." Finn held me by the waist, helping me walk. "Don't need to. All my stuff is in this stupid bag." I held up my black bag, which was ripped in numerous places- I get frustrated easily. "Another thing I need to do, and remind me, I need to call Quinn" He sighed, rubbing his head. "Who?" I asked as I hobbled along the corridor and to Finn's car. "No one, just remind me to call Quinn."

I nodded as I jumped into his small, second-hand car. He jumped in the opposite side and drove to his house. I was still nervous about leaving my house. Although I knew it wasn't safe for my sanity, I was frightened. My parents had never hit me before, but doesn't mean they couldn't start.

"Well," Finn said, before the car jerked to a stop in front of his house. "Hand it over." He held out his hand, palm facing upwards. I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I didn't want to give it to him. It's my lifeline. "What?" I said, looking from Finn to my lap, trying to sound and look as convincing as possible. "The lighter."

"No." I said, fumbling with the door before opening it. "It's mine." I snapped. "Well, I don't want you to hurt yourself again."

"Why do you care? I practically only just met you, Finn! I'm nothing! There's no point in trying to protect me, I'm tearing at myself no matter what you or your Quinn does!" I shouted, taking Finn off guard.

"Angie, can you calm down?" Finn asked quietly. "I'm freaking calm already!"

Instead of yelling more, I burst out into tears. "Sorry." I whispered, placing my head in my knees. Finn just rubbed my back, comforting me. "I need to calm down." I told myself, hanging my head back. "I'm good." I sniffed, wiping my nose on the back of my hand as Finn escorted me into his house.

As soon as I was in, I felt calm. It felt more homely than my own home ever would, and there wouldn't be anyone having sex on the couch and taking drugs for a long time.

"Um, I'll take you up to your new room and then I'll call Quinn." Finn mumbled, helping me up the stairs and making me sit in a white chair in the corner of a paper white room- white drawers and everything. The bed was white with two matching pillows at the head... and it looked super comfy; anything looks comfy to me, I have been sleeping on the floor for years on end.

"Don't you need, like, to sign some guidance forms or something?" I asked, watching as he darted around the room. "Well, I don't think so."

"What are my parents going to do? They're going to go cr-cr-cr-" I was sensitive with that word. I couldn't say it out loud without going crazy myself. It's like my trigger word; I either flip out or lose myself in thought... sometimes it's worse.

"Okay..." Finn said, taking a seat on the bed. "This reminds me of a padded cell- like, in a mental hospital. You're planning to take me there, aren't you?" I said, the volume of my voice was getting louder. "Angie. I'm calling Quinn, because she's in town, and she's going to take you shopping this afternoon before we go to Glee club-"

"What?" I said. "Oh, yeah. You're joining Glee club." Finn flashed a goofy smile before coming up to me and snatching my bag. "I can't join Glee club and give back my freaking bag." I said, stretching my arm up. "They'll help you, Angie."

"What if I don't want help?" I snapped, dropping my arms as Finn took my lighter and dropped my bag in front of me. "Angie, you need it. You're going to go crazy if you don't ask for help."

Before I could recall anything, I started hitting Finn with my bag. I just kept on flinging it at him as he told me to stop, but I couldn't. It was like my brain was being taken over by someone, and no matter how much I told it to stop hitting Finn, it wouldn't.

Eventually, I over-powered my brain and slid off the chair, sobbing again. "What the hell am I doing?" I whispered as Finn sat in front of me. "You were only meant to help me with my stupid habit and now I'm going... I'm being horrible to you and I swear there's something wrong with me." I was choking on my own breath and trembling.

"I can't say it. I can't. I can't hear it... " I mumbled as Finn gave me a confused look but shrugged it off, trying to calm me down. "I'm going call Quinn, my friend. And she's going to take you shopping." Finn said, getting a nod from me.

I had managed to calm myself down a bit as Finn talked to the 'Quinn' girl. I was mainly distracted by thinking about the fading pain in my leg, but I heard a bit of their conversation. It wasn't anything remotely interesting.

Finn finally got off the phone and started talking to me, but there was no way I was going to listen to him...

After about 30 minutes, there was a loud knock at the door. Finn helped me up and I walked down the stairs with him, my limping very light now.

I sat on the stairs as Finn welcomed Quinn in. She waved at me with a large smile on her face before turning to Finn. I have to say; she is pretty. Woth big eyes and long blonde hair I would kill to have... rather than just a curly, brown mane.

I sat on the stairs as Finn talked to her in the lounge room. I zoned out for most of their conversation, but half of it caught my ear. "After I said that, she just started hitting me with her bag over and over and she wouldn't calm down and then she started saying _I can't hear it. I can't say it._"

"What exactly did you say?" Quinn asked, and I knew what was coming. I blocked my ears, as I knew what was about to be heard and watched the two. Quinn shook her head and walked over to me, prying my hands from my ears. "Are we going to go now?" I nodded and stood up pulling my bag with me, but Finn yanked it from me. "Don't need it."

I know I had no right to be angry at him- he was helping me, after all. But I didn't want to be restricted like this. I didn't want to have to throw a hissy fit when I wanted to burn myself. I wanted to get out of that household and be somewhere else.

"So," Quinn said as we were driving to... wherever. "I'm Quinn, just in case you didn't know." She smiled over at me before putting her eyes on the road. "I knew." I whispered, turning off the radio with the push of a button, because it was playing an annoying as hell song.

"Angie, that's your name, right?" She asked, turning a corner sharply. "Yep." I said, nodding my head quickly. "Good. Don't want to call you the wrong thing." She giggled and put her hand over her mouth.

We turned into the mall and walked around a bit. Quinn seemed uninterested by most things, but to me, they were all incredible. I have no memories what so ever about this place.

Quinn was just buying random stuff for me and clothes while I followed her. I was walking next to her at one point, when a song rang through the mall that I knew... and the words I knew all too well. _Crazy. _

I stopped in my spot and covered my ears, trying to miss the one part I was dreading. Quinn noticed my stop and turned back to me. She paused for a moment before digging out an Ipod and handing it to me. "Put it in." She said, placing it in my pocket as I slid the ear phones in my ears. I was listening to I Say A Little Prayer, and I couldn't hear anything else but that.

We arrived home before I knew it, and Quinn brought in everything, refusing to let me hold anything. "About time. We have to go to Glee club." Finn urged, helping me put the bags down next to the stairs. I rolled my eyes as Quinn giggled. "Have fun. And, Finn, I'll call you later. We need to talk."

Finn nodded and opened the front door for Quinn and I. I walked with my head down to his car and we were at school in a matter of minutes.

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I was standing in the choir room, leaning on the piano, deep in thought. Finn was talking to Mr. Schue near the office about something and I was curious, but I didn't bother listening in.

As I stood there, a girl with long, dark brown hair walked in with a boy on her arm walked in, smiling at me, the girl eyeing me up and down. They were warm to me and smiled, before taking a seat. I looked over at them and they were discussing something, before they waved over to me, telling me to come sit down. I shook my head, before turning back to the door where Kitty- a blonde cheerleader who thought she was the greatest and made my life more of a hell-hole than it already is- came through. She gave me a scowl before sitting down at the back of the room.

I kept my head down from then on, only seeing people come in and whisper about me, all of them commenting on my scraggly looks. How my too tight jeans were ripped in numerous places, how my hair looked like it hadn't been combed in days (which was true) and how skinny I looked.

"Um, okay, guys." Finn said, clapping his hands together and smiling at everyone. "Don't start without me!" A boy called, coming in through the door. We caught each other's eyes for a moment before both looking away. The boy had silky, brown hair that swooped across his forehead and chocolate brown eyes that I wanted to stare at longer than I had the chance to. He was tall, perhaps 6 foot tall- not too much taller than me. I looked back at the boy, getting his eye again, before putting my head back down, trying to get the image of the boy out of my head.

"Okay, guys, this is your newest member, Angie McGraw!" Finn smiled, but the whole room was silent. "Um... she can't talk." A girl said, I hadn't even bothered to look at her. "I do talk." I said, raising my head and looking around the room. "Just not often."

"Anyway," Finn smiled, changing the subject. "Angie will be with us for a while, because-" I cut Finn off, putting it into a simple sentence. "I need help."

"Well, you she can't join unless she sings." The same girl as before spoke up. "Yeah." A blonde girl with her hair in a ponytail said in a flat tone. "She has to sing."

"Sing!" Was the only word I heard over and over, and it seemed to be jumping out at me. I looked over to Finn and shouted over the noise. "I will sing if they shut the eff up!" The room immediately went silent and Finn had a look of worry on his face. "Attitude, Angie."

"Oh, you expect me to keep calm with my attitude when they're all up in my face and you only found out about everything a couple of hours ago?" I shouted as everyone's eyes in the room widened. "Sorry." I mumbled, crossing my arms and looking at the ground. "Crazy." Kitty said, crossing her arms. "Shut it, Kitty." One boys said. "Angie, you're a crazy... admit it." Kitty said to me.

I was panting really hard now- no one had any idea how much of an effect that word had on me. I was fighting against my brain to try and stop myself from having a panic attack, and while I was hyperventilating and trembling, I heard someone say,"Finn, is Angie alright?"

And before anyone could do anything, I blacked out, hitting the hard ground with a large thud.


	3. Chapter 3

"Beautiful, wake up." A soft voice that I recognised as the boy with the brown hair said- I only just remembered his voice. "Ryder has a crush on the new girl." I heard someone say. I couldn't move; everything was throbbing and I was in pain.

I was still half out of it, but I could hear most things- even though half of every sound was fuzzy. I just couldn't open my eyes or move anything... it was all too sore. "I remember when I fainted at Sectionals I came to almost immediately." A girl said. "How long's it been?" She added. "Um, 5 minutes." A high pitched male voice said. "We should get her to the hospital." The boy- who I think was Ryder- suggested, and that's when I felt like running, but my limbs weren't working properly.

"No. We shouldn't." Finn said, his voice sounding urgent. The first thing I wanted to do was stand up and hug him tightly. "Finn, don't you think we should? I mean, she fell over because of a panic attack- I don't think it's normal." That was Mr. Schue speaking, and I really wanted to resist against it.

"W-we can't, Mr. Schue. Trust me." Finn stuttered. "I know what we could do." I heard the mono-tone voice again before I heard Ryder say "Britt, that's not a good idea."

I felt cold water on my face and sat up immediately, my muscles tingling and my head aching. "Yay!" Britt said, jumping up and down. "Shit." I said, wiping my face with the back of my hand. "What happened, Angie?" A blonde boy asked me, looking down at me. "Kitty yelled something at you and then... boom. You were on the ground."

I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I shakily stood up with the help of Ryder, and leaned against him. "Do you want me to carry you, or-" He began, looking into my eyes, but Finn quickly cut him off.

"I'm going to take Angie to get some food, we'll discuss stuff later." Finn called, prying me off Ryder and helping me out the door as I stumbled over myself, feeling like jelly. "I'll help you." Ryder called, bringing a smile to my face. He took a proper look at me and his smile faltered- I'm disgusting...

"Stay here." Finn told us as he ran around the corner. I leaned against the locker next to Ryder and he stared over at me, taking in everything about me. "Angie... you're really skinny. Too skinny."

"I know. Can we not talk about it?" I asked, looking down. "You're not making yourself like that, are you?" Ryder said again. "No. I'm not bulimic or anorexic." I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm sorry. It's just that Marley, in that room, brown hair, she had bulimia once and I don't want it happening again," Ryder shook his head, looking deep into my eyes. I blushed and looked away, towards the ground.

"Can I tell you something?" I whispered, looking up at Ryder. He confirmed with a nod, so I slid closer to him, our arms touching lightly- and it felt amazing. "I... I'm not normal." I said, staring over at his confused face. "What do you mean?" He whispered, his eyes showing more than concern, but I just couldn't make it out. "There-There-There's something wrong with me. Like, in my head. I feel like I'm not normal. Like I shouldn't be this...insane."

"You're not insane." Ryder shook his head seriously, but I couldn't believe him. "Did you see what I did in there? Kitty yelled something at me and I fainted. I hit Finn with my bag because he was trying to help me-"

"Did you really hit him?" Ryder laughed, a thick smile spread across his face. "I did. That's how insane I am." I laughed, hanging my head back. My head still hurt, but the pain went away whenever Ryder spoke. "Just... don't tell Finn that I think I'm insane, he'll do something about it." Ryder agreed, though he seemed hesitant to. "On one condition. Only on one will I keep your secret, but doesn't mean I won't try and help you myself." He said sternly. "Is that your condition? You help me?"

"No." He showed a half smile, putting his head down. "What is it, then?" There was a silence before Ryder looked up with a grin that could melt hearts.

"You kiss me."

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	4. Chapter 4

"You want me to kiss you?" I asked, my eyebrows raised and my eyes open wide. "Yeah." Ryder smiled confidently. My stomach filled with a fluttering feeling and I felt my hands tremble; I'd never really talked to people before, let alone let one kiss me. "Deal?" Without thinking, I nodded, staring into Ryder's beautiful eyes.

He turned around so he was facing me and leaned down, closing his eyes as he did so. He barely even touched my lips before Finn came to us, ranting on about salad. "It's Miss Pillsbury's salad! She had OCD and it has 15 slices of each vegetable! It's awesome!" Finn shouted. Ryder sighed and rolled his eyes slightly, pulling away from me.

"This is fine." I whispered as Finn handed the food over to me. Ryder gave me this look- one that I could barely read, but it was so beautiful that it made me have a warm feeling all over. I nodded and ate the perfectly chopped salad, going over my thoughts.

I knew I shouldn't trust these people so quickly, but I had no choice. I'd take any help- besides if someone tried to stop me from my burning, then no. Finn was doing that now, but I had to forgive him- I don't even know why... but I still felt distant from everything. I felt like I was in this state of mind where only one word stuck out; c_razy. _

I tried my hardest not to panic when the word went through my head, but as I did so, I started to tremble. "Ange, you okay?" Ryder asked as I slid down the locker, still holding the salad. "Don't talk to me." I muttered. I watched my knees, only faintly seeing Ryder and Finn talking to each other quietly with worried looks.

I kept to myself and tried to eat, but my hands were shaking so hard I couldn't do anything, so I flung the salad from my leg and let it spread across the tiled floor with a small clatter. "Why does everything have to be so freaking hard?!" I shouted, looking over to the salad and catching the sight of the brown haired girl in the door way- I think that was Marley. She had a worried look scrawled across her face and was gripping onto the locker by her side.

She was quickly joined by who I suspect was her boyfriend, who stood behind her, saying things to her and not taking his eyes off of me. "Angie," Ryder sighed, kneeling down in front of me. "Don't. I don't need to consoling." I snapped, looking away from him. "I'm not try-"

"You are! I know you are! You all just want to throw me a pity party, but that's not what I want!" I pulled myself up, using the locker behind me. "I can never get something I want! Nothing ever goes right for me!" I took a break from my yelling, now realising that the whole Glee club was by the door of the room. "Angie, we-"

"No! Don't even try to tell me your not throwing me a pity party and trying to make my life worse. You think your helping, but your not! I just want to die!" I shouted before walking away from Finn and Ryder, tears falling down my face and onto the ground.

Sometimes I went suicidal for no reason- I think I was just sick of not being able to be good at anything. Not being able to be good enough for life.

I walked past the Glee club, but they didn't say a word, they only stared at me with wide eyes. As I ran, I felt someone grab my waist tightly. I squirmed against their grip before screaming at them to get off me. "Get off me! Stop!" I shouted, trying to hit their hands off, but they held me too hard. I only caught a small glimpse of Ryder from behind me before I continued to wrestle with him. "Angie, we're only trying to help you!"

"Help me, my ass!" I shouted before dropping to the floor because Ryder had let me go and I lost my balance. I screamed and slammed my head against the tiles, feeling dizzy.

Right now, I was in the suicidal mood and I knew once I did it, I could never come back from it, but my brain was set on it at this second.

Before I could make my move, Ryder was holding me down by my arms and partly sitting on my back. "Let me go! I can do what I want!" I shouted, fidgeting under him. "No, you can't! You can't without seriously harming yourself, Angie!"

"You don't think I've done that already?" I shouted, turning my face to see Finn. "I've already went full psycho, why don't I just go even-" I cut myself off there and shook my head, trying to hold back my sobs. "I hate myself." I whimpered, letting out a small, strangled sob.

Ryder's hands slowly left my body and he stood up. I was about to get myself off calmly, but Kitty spoke up loudly. "And we just witnessed a crazy."

I got up at lightning speed and darted to her, but Ryder pulled me into his grip before I got a chance to even jump on her or hurt her.

I could feel my heart beating quickly in my chest as I tried to squirm out of Ryder's tight grip. I hated myself for not being able to control myself. I've realised that this has only happened a couple of times in my life, but since I've started to open myself up- something I wish I wasn't doing- it's been getting worse.

I remember I had a panic attack in the small bathroom of our house once and I couldn't stop hitting myself, and then I punched the mirror, breaking it. I guess that's where all of this started; all of my anger issues and suicidal thoughts.

"Let go of me, Ryder!" I shouted, before breaking down into more sobs. "I don't want to live like this anymore." I said before Ryder let me go and turned me around, pulling me in for a hug. I didn't hug back, but I sobbed into his bright orange shirt, trying to get all of the pain off my chest, but it wouldn't go away. It was stuck on me like a weight.

"Guys, get back in the choir room." Mr. Schue said, waving the rest of the club into the room. I heard the shuffling of feet and it was only me, Ryder and Finn, who I could tell was standing over us two by the light shadow on Ryder's shirt.

I felt tired- my head ached from the crying and all of muscles tingled as Ryder pet my back lightly, whispering comforting words into my ear and kissing my cheek every now and then.

Before long, I heard a phone ring and I heard Finn answer it. He walked away slowly, leaving Ryder and I standing abandoned in the corridor

After a moment or two, I pushed Ryder away, my emotions going everywhere. "I-I-I-I'm sorry." I said, shaking my head. "Deal's off. Finn knows how weird I am." I muttered, wiping my tears on the back of my arm. "Ange..." Ryder sighed, taking both my hands in his. "You're not weird."

"Who's the one who just wanted to kill herself?" I snapped, looking up into Ryder's eyes, and for the first time in my life, I felt... relaxed, almost. Ryder's eyes at this weird power over me that made me feel so many different things at once. Ryder sighed and shook his head, looking at the ground before back up at me.

I was in such a daze that I wasn't even sure what was going on... and then I felt Ryder's warm, pink lips attach to mine.


	5. Chapter 5

His lips were soft and sweet. It made butterflies build up in my stomach and made me body tingle with excitement... not with dear or tiredness. It was beautiful. Ryder tilted his head to the side and held onto my hips lightly, tugging me closer to him. I kept my hands by my side as Ryder pressed his lips onto mine even harder.

Ryder's lips were still attached to mine as Finn came up and stood over us. "Guys." He said, separating our kiss instantly. I bit my lip and looked up at Finn, who had a concerned look across his face. I looked to Ryder for moment, blushing at the thought of what just happened. _He kissed me. _

"Ryder, could you go back in the choir room for a moment?" Finn asked, and Ryder agreed without hesitation. He nodded and walked away, possibly being bombarded by questions when he walked back in. He didn't even take a second glance at me.

"Angie, I was just talking to Quinn, and she's dating a psychologist thing. And she told him about you and your problems, and she's convinced she's got it." Finn said, walking down the hall. "What do you mean?" I whispered, sticking my hands in my pockets and following him, wiping my face to rid of the tears. "Um, she has a feeling that you have a sensitivity to the word-"

"Stop!" I shouted, covering my ears. "She's right." I heard Finn say, looking over at me with a worried glance. I slowly took my hands off my ears and went over what Finn said. "Can't you keep anything to yourself?" I whispered, shaking my head. "What?" He asked with a frown.

"You told Quinn. I swear you were telling Ryder and Mr. Schue." I snapped, pointing my finger at him and glaring as hard as I could.

"Ryder's a smart boy. He can figure things out for himself and he knows you're in trouble, without me telling him." Finn sighed, rubbing his head. "I... You know I'm a psycho. Everyone does, they just don't want to admit it to my face." I nodded, walking backwards and far away from Finn. "Angie, you're not a psycho." Finn sighed, gripping my wrist lightly. "No. No, no, no, no. I am. You _know _I am." I tried to tug myself away, but he gripped me tighter. "Angie, why are you doing this? Making a big deal about everything?"

"I can't help it." I shouted, tears falling again. Gosh, how many times was this going to happen to me? "Angie, what the hell is happening?" Finn asked in a whisper. "Nothing... I'm just stressed about you finding out all of this. It's scary because, well," I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest, sighing heavily and trying to stop myself from crying.

Finn sighed in response and walked to the choir room, saying, "I'm going home." before gripping my hand and leading me to the car.

"Angie, is it wrong to say I'm really worried about you?" Finn said, not even looking in my direction as he drove. "Don't be worried. I don't want that. I'm just scared." I muttered, playing with my ripped and torn jeans. "Why?" Finn asked quietly.

"My parents have never hurt me, only made me harm myself, but it doesn't mean they won't start." I said, looking out the window and watching the world go by before my eyes. "Ange, I promise you that they won't hurt you-"

"I'm also scared that I'm going to kill myself." I blurted out unintentionally. "I wanted to today, if you and Ryder didn't stop me, I would have. I'm scared that I'm going to go so mad I _will_ kill myself."

Finn sighed and pulled to the side of the road. Once he had, he put his hand on my burnt thigh and talked to me slowly, like I was some kind of idiot. "I won't let you get hurt. Ever. And if I ever leave you in the firing zone, Ryder will always save you."

I hesitantly nodded, pulling his hand off my knee. "I- Can we just go, now?" I snapped, looking over at him. "Yeah, yeah," He whispered, taking back to the road.

* * *

Although I was starving, I didn't feel like eating what Finn had cooked tonight. I was still unsure about everything, and I was scared about everything too.

Finn did promise he would protect me, but I couldn't trust him. I couldn't trust anyone. I was in that state of mind where everything was a threat to me. Everything would make me lose my sanity somehow.

"Angie, don't you want it?" Finn asked, watching as I picked at the burnt macaroni cheese. I shook my head slowly and pushed it away. "Is it because it's burnt?" I shook my head again, fiddling with my sleeves. "What's wrong then? You need to eat."

"I don't want to." I whispered. "You seemed so into food today." Finn said, a concerned look on his face. "I'm not hungry! Just shut up!" I snapped quietly. "Sorry." Finn apologised, looking back at his food. I wanted to say sorry to Finn, but I didn't want to talk anymore, just in case I said something stupid again. Or maybe I reveal to him that I was insane.

"So, have you checked out your room yet?" Finn asked excitedly. "No." I whispered, staring at a cut on the table. "Well, it's really cool. Quinn decorated it with some of the stuff you and her bought, and she put your new clothes in there too. I really think you'll like it."

"Cool." I replied bluntly. "You'll like it." Finn smiled again before going back to eating his food and making a sour face. I wanted to laugh, but I felt no joy anymore... I never did feel joy. My life has always been a giant ball of sadness.

I stared around the room, thinking of possible places where he could have hid my lighter- I was itching to burn myself. It was probably somewhere obvious, like his jeans, or maybe it was in my room... or could it be in the kitchen, in one of the high cupboards he thought I couldn't reach (which was stupid because I am only just a little bit shorter than Ryder and Ryder is just a little bit shorter than Finn.)

"Angie, do you want anything else? Like, a glass of water?" Finn asked, now standing by my side. "Nah." I shook my head as he collected my plate and put it in the sink, not bothering to wash them.

He signalled me over to sit next to him on the small, black couch in the lounge room, and I ran to sit next to him, sneaking my hand up my arm and touching one of the blisters from the other day. It stung, and I couldn't help but almost enjoy the pain.

We sat in silence for a minute or two, before Finn asked me a question. "Where else have you burnt yourself?" I stayed still for a moment, letting the question process in my mind before I pulled off the thin hoodie I was wearing, revealing a couple of black and yellow scars on my arms and the burns. I saw Finn's eyes blink rapidly as he took them in before I tugged up the back of my too small singlet, where there were a couple of messy burns that scarred over with white. "I struggled with those ones..." I chuckled lightly to myself, as if all of this was some kind of joke. "And..." I tugged up my jeans from the bottom, revealing one small burn on my ankle. "There's some on my feet too."

"Can I have a look?" Finn whispered as I angrily tugged off my shoe and showed him the small burns there.

"I've been doing this a couple of years, you know?" I told him, looking into his worried eyes. "I figured it out when I was 12. I was a genius 12-year-old." I laughed at myself, pulling down the jeans at the bottom and pulling my shoe back on. "You can keep them off," Finn told me. "I don't want to gross you out."

"You're not." Finn told me, touching my bony shoulder. "It's gross, I know. I don't know how the hell I've done this to myself for years." I pulled on my jacket and fell back into the couch, hitting my head against the wall.

Now looking at the scars I'd left myself, I was so tempted to run around the house and find the lighter, but that'd look suspicious. Curse me and my idiotic-ness for letting Finn find me in that stupid bathroom. Why can't I do anything right? Why am I such a failure?

"Angie, can you make me a promise?" Finn said, sitting up. "Depends." I muttered, playing with my sleeves. "Promise me you'll try and stop this." Finn said, signalling to my arms and my legs. "I can't promise you. This has been my lifeline, Finn. I don't think I could give it up that easily."

"You'll try, and I'll help you." Finn smiled, holding his arms out for a hug. I stood my ground for a moment, going over my thoughts. Could I hug him? Should I, was the more important question? "Friendly hug." Finn whispered to me. I leaned forward and gave him a small hug, even though I didn't trust him.

Just yet, I didn't trust anyone.

{}


	6. Chapter 6

I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. It seemed every time I closed my eyes, something was there. I didn't even know what it was, but it was scaring me.

Perhaps it was the demon hiding within me; the one that wanted me to kill myself.

The hours of the night seemed to go on forever, and Finn was sleeping in my room- on the floor- to make sure I didn't do anything stupid in the middle of the night. When it was 6 o'clock in the morning, Finn's alarm blared from his phone. The noise was loud, and although I wasn't asleep, it still gave me a fright. "Shut it up, please?" I whimpered, covering my ears and squeezing my eyes shut. "Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry." Finn said, turning off the music and standing up. "It's just too loud." I muttered.

"Good. You have to get up." Finn smiled. "No." I whispered, staring into space in front of me. "Why not?" He asked, his smile fading. "I'm not in the mood."

"Ange," Finn knelt down and faced me. "Please? You need to act normal for you to feel better again." He sighed. "Who said I'm feeling bad?"

"What I mean is; I want you to try and break your habit and getting into things will distract you." He said slowly. "I really don't want to do anything today. I just want to sleep away my troubles, but I can't."

"Ange, don't be like this." Finn shook his head and closed his eyes. "Be like what? Be so madly depressed that it hurts? Be so upset with myself that I feel like suicide's the only answer most of the time?" I yelled, sitting up. "That is how I feel. I am depressed. I don't feel happy. I'm not normal, Finn!"

I stayed silent for a moment and stared up at Finn's face- it was a mix of unreadable emotions. God, did I really just tell him? Did I really just tell him I wasn't normal? I am such an idiot. "Angie," Finn sighed again, sitting next to me. "You're awesome. You're just a bit scarred from your past life, you're fine."

"I-I-I-I-I-I'm fine," I stuttered, trying to get the thought into my head. "Now, we're going to Glee club." Finn smiled, tapping my shoulder. "And don't worry, I need to have a talk with them..." I nodded and pulled myself off the bed, opening the cupboard.

Inside was numerous arrays of clothes in various colours. I spent about 10 minutes standing there before I pulled out some random clothes that Quinn had bought me yesterday- a jumper, a pair of jeans and sneakers, which all perfectly covered my burns scars.

I opened the door to my room to see Finn leaning against the wall tiredly. "Oh, you're dressed." He smiled. "You look pretty." He pulled me down the stairs by the sleeve and to the kitchen where he pulled out a bowl of cereal. "I'm not leaving you alone, so this may get creepy, just me watching you." Finn chuckled to himself, handing me a spoon. "Don't really care." I mumbled, staring at the bowl of the plain cereal.

I heard a knock echo through the house, and I flinched a little, that going noticed by Finn. "Come in!" He shouted, keeping a careful eye on me. I then saw Quinn enter the kitchen with a large smile. "Hey, Finn." She smiled, giving him a hug. "How long are you here for?" Finn asked her in a whisper. "A while. They gave me a break so I could come down here for Regionals." Quinn said, before talking to me. "Hey, Ange."

"Hi." I said quietly, sending her a small smile. "You're wearing the clothes! Oh, my god! They suit you!" She shouted. I shrugged before she started blabbing on about hair and different styles and a bunch of other lingo I didn't understand. She let me finish my breakfast- which was bland, but it was food- before dragging me to my room and pushing me into the seat that was placed in front of the mirror. I didn't appreciate her roughness, but I was kind of scared to argue.

She picked up a hair brush from the bench and started to brush my hair gently, playing with it and smiling. I wanted to yell and scream at her not to touch me, but I felt paralysed.

She bent down to her bag and got out a book, handing it to me. "Have you read this?" She asked. Does she not know I haven't actually read a book in my life? Does she know I actually have the reading level of a 10-year-old- a dumb 10-year-old at that? I stared at the title and squinted, trying to make it out."No." I said, staring at it with confusion. "It's a great book." She began to tie my hair back. "I can do it myself." I snapped, throwing the book on the table angrily. All she did was smile and I used all of my will power not to snap at her again.

"Ange, what's your favourite colour?" She asked dreamily. "Whatever." I shrugged. "So, you don't have a favourite colour?" She asked. I don't understand what's up with Quinn. "No," I snapped. Jeez, I was moody today. "How could you not?"

"I just don't." I said, looking down at my lap. "Okay." Quinn sighed, playing with my hair some more."You're a very pretty girl, you know?" Quinn smiled, placing her hands on my shoulders. "Thanks." I showed her a smile before standing up and leaving the room. I trotted down the stairs with Quinn on my tail. "I'm fine! Why do people have to keep following me and making sure I'm fine?!" I shouted, turning around to face her. "Angie, we just do-"

"Oh, save your shit! I know what you're thinking! You just want to make sure I don't go so insane I kill myself!" I shouted, making her step back. "You know, it's probably a good thing you're doing this- in your minds. In my mind, it sucks. When I want to hurt myself, I should be able to. When I want-" I could feel tears trickling down my face, but I ignored them and left them fall onto my feet. "-when I want to kill myself, I should be able to. I don't know why I'm letting some 19-year-olds control my life!" I shouted, storming away from her, only to run into Finn. "Ange!" He whispered, pulling me into a hug. I tried to shove him off, but I fought a losing battle. "Just leave me alone!" I shouted, giving him a final shove. "Where is it?"

"Where's what?" Finn asked, following me into the kitchen, where I was now looking through the cupboards again. "Don't play dumb; the lighter!" I shouted as Quinn came into the kitchen, her face showing worry.. and fear. "I can't tell you, Angie," Finn sighed, exhausted. "Why the hell not?" I screamed, leaning against the table as I panted. "I just can't." He said slowly, avoiding my eyes. "You're too calm about this." Quinn whispered to Finn. "Are you scared I'm going to kill myself? Because I sure as hell am!" I screamed, putting all my balance onto the counter as I couldn't hold myself up any more.

"Angie, we're only trying to protect you..." Finn sighed, patting my back lightly. I panted even harder, my arms feeling weak. I closed my eyes and saw something... something that scared the life out me.

_"Mom!" I shouted as she grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me up the tiled stairs. Half of her clothes were falling off and her hair looked like a birds nest. "Stop, please!" I shouted, but my 4-year-old voice had no effect. "You're a crazy child!" She screamed, pulling me around the house. "You are crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy child. How dare you try and interrupt your parents?" She screamed again, shoving me into the bathroom and into the bathtub. "Crazy child. How could you be so crazy?" She whispered. _

_I had no idea what had come over my mother. Only just the other day she was the sweetest person alive and now she was crazy. _

_"You're a crazy child." She bent down over my curled up body and repeated 'crazy' over and over, along with some curse words, to me, making sure I got the message. _

_She left minutes later to do her thing with Dad, which involved sex, lots and lots of sex. I sat in that bathroom, the door locked, shaking uncontrollably with tears rushing down my face._

When I'd come out of my nightmare, I was leaning against the bench, yet I was on the floor. I was sobbing and struggling to breathe properly; exactly like a panic attack. I saw Finn sit down the next to me as I sobbed and rub my back, talking to me, but I couldn't hear anything. The only thing I could hear was my Mother's voice telling me I was crazy.

"Stop, please! Don't hurt me!" I shouted, holding onto my hands tightly. "Finn, what's wrong?" Quinn said to him. "I don't know, but stay calm." Finn whispered to her. She nodded and stood up straight. "Ange, listen to me, no one is going to hurt you."

I tried to respond; I tried to get up and tell him I was fine, but my brain was stuck in my 4-year-old state. The state where I was vunerbable, but I was still like that. Although my past wasn't bad, it affected me.

"Angie, you'll be fine!" Finn said, panicked. "How do you know?" I whispered, finally getting the courage to pull myself out. "I-I'll protect you." He stuttered. With still tear filled eyes and shaky limbs, I stood up, my breathing still heavy. "Can we just get to school, please?" I snapped. Quinn and Finn exchanged a glance before Finn nodded. "Here." Finn handed me a tissue, but I pushed it away.

I knew Finn was never going to forget about this. I knew that would probably be something that could get me into a mental hospital, and I felt like such an idiot. I showed him how weird I was... I practically told him I was messed up in the head.

I was still struggling to breathe by the time we were in Finn's car, so I rested my head against the windscreen and tried to control it, only fogging up the window. "Angie, can you tell me what that was about there?" Finn asked, taking a glance over at me. "It was nothing." I replied quietly. playing with my jacket and refusing to look at him. "I don't think it was nothing." Finn said, pulling into a parking spot out the front of the school. "I thought you said they never hit you."

"They didn't." I said, getting out of the car slowly. "What was that about then, the 'please don't hurt me.' thing?" Finn asked, following me into the school. "I'm not talking about it. It's hard enough to have that happen, don't want to have another freaking flashback."

Finn walked in front of me, into the choir room and grabbing their attention. He told me to sit right in the doorway for some reason, and started to write something on the board. Before he started talking, I saw Ryder looking over at me. He was smiling, and I smiled back, remembering our kiss. Our sweet, sweet kiss.

"I have a strict rule; this word is banned." Finn said, drawing on the board again. I couldn't see what he was writing, and I don't think I wanted to. "Why?" Kitty said. "Is it because Little Miss Crazy doesn't like it?"

"Shut up." I mumbled, closing my eyes and putting my hands over them. I could just feel everything slowly coming to me; the memories, the words, the pain.. the tears.

And then I stood up as quickly as I could and ran away from them. My heart was pounding against my rib cage and my eyes were filling with tears again. "Angie!" Instead of hearing Finn calling my name, I heard Ryder. "Ange, stop." He whispered, coming closer to me as I was about to run into the bathroom. He gripped onto my waist again, lighter this time, and I managed to not fight back. "Ange, are you okay?" He whispered to me as I set my hand on the door-frame of the toilet.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head as tears spilled out of my eyes again. "I'm not okay. And I need to tell you something- something I haven't told anyone."


	7. Chapter 7

"I swear, if you ever say it again, you will get kicked out of Glee club," Finn said loudly as I entered the choir room with Ryder gripping my hand tightly- sending butterflies to erupt in my stomach. "Isn't that a bit harsh?" Mr. Schue told Finn with raised eyebrows. "No, it's reasonable." Finn said, his face stern.

"Stay here, babe. This afternoon, we'll hang out." Ryder grinned, giving me a kiss. And that seemed to be the only thing that's ever made me happy. "Ange," Finn smiled, looking over at me. He erased whatever was on the board. He pointed to a seat at the front next to Marley- at least, I presume it was Marley- and Ryder.

I walked and sat down, crossing my arms over my chest. "Finn, I think she should sing. This is a Glee club, and if she can't sing, she can't join." Someone said. I turned around to find that Asian who had been pestering me ever since I took a step into this room.

"When will you stop pestering me?" I snapped, looking behind me to face her. "Attitude Problems, we're being reasonable." Kitty smirked. "I don't have attitude problems!" I shouted. Ryder put a hand on my thigh, as to calm me, but it didn't help me at all. "Uh, you do." Kitty laughed a bit, before a boy in the back spoke up. "Finn, she does have to sing."

"I will sing if you all shut the hell up!" I shouted, standing up and walking to Finn. "This is stupid, I don't even know why I agreed to this. Thanks for trying," I rolled my eyes at myself and walked out of the room, my head down and my arms crossed.

"Angie!" Someone called. "When will people stop following me?" I shouted, turning around. "If you just listen to me, I'll leave you alone." Marley stood there, the light reflecting off of her and making her look beautiful- such a shot at my self-esteem. "Fine," I nodded. "But this is all stupid."

"It's not stupid, it's reasonable." Marley smiled before looking down. "Life is stupid." I muttered. Marley's smile fell as she heard me speak and she grabbed my upper arms. "Don't think like that. Ever."

"How can I not? Nothing's ever good for me!" I shouted. "If you tell me about your life, I'll tell you about mine." Marley said, her eyebrows raised. "Why would you want to hear about it?" I muttered. "Because you're part of the Glee club family now and we care about each other in there."

"Well, I guess I have to sing first." I gave a half-hearted chuckle. "I'll convince them you don't have to." She smiled and walked with me down the corridor, away from the choir room. Marley began explaining about her life; how her Mom was the lunch lady, how she never fit in anywhere and how Kitty- the devil- convinced her she was fat and made her bulimic. And then she fainted at a competition and everyone- especially Tina, the Asian- hated her guts. I don't actually understand how anyone could hate someone as graceful as Marley.

Once she had finished her story, Marley sent me a smile and flicked her hair behind her shoulder. "Go." She whispered. I took a deep breath and shook my head- as to clear it- and began telling her _everything._ "I was like, 4 or something like that. My parents suddenly decided that they didn't actually want me any more- they didn't kick me out, luckily, they just kind of... disowned me. They locked me in the bathroom and pretty much only pulled me out when they needed me." I whispered, hanging my head back to blink away tears. "They did everything and anything while I was locked in there; mostly sex and drugs, and it got really bad and violent sometimes. And they eventually started letting me out of that bathroom- only when I needed to go to school and I was so shaken up about them that I made no friends. I was a loner. Skip forward a couple of years, I was getting sick of them yelling at me and hurting my feelings, so after school one day, I got some money which I'd stolen from them and brought a lighter. And-and I burnt myself... it just sorta grew into-into a habit of mine. That's why I'm here now." I whispered, choked up with tears. The memories stung. When I looked to Marley, her mouth was open. "Oh-oh, my god. They... did they, like, beat you or anything?" She timidly whispered, almost afraid of approaching the subject.

"Luckily, no." I sighed. "But they messed me up. And Ryder's going to come with me to get me tested for-for whatever, but we're not telling Finn." I told her, stopping in my tracks and kicking the ground. "We're not even going to tell him if there is something wrong with me, because he _will_ send me to a mental hospital... and I shouldn't have told you this. I'm sorry."

I heard heavy footsteps behind me and turned around. I saw Ryder coming out from behind the corner, a look of relief washed over his face. "Hey," He panted heavily, giving me a light hug from the side, earning a confused look from Marley. "Are you two a couple now?" Marley asked. "N-no." I said quickly. "Well, Ange, never think like that- it's dangerous. And I'll leave you two alone."

"Think like what?" Ryder asked as Marley trotted away with a small smile and a bunch of knowledge about me and my craziness. "It's nothing." I shook my head. "No, tell me." He said, his chocolate brown eyes wide with fear. He put his hand on my chin and forced me to meet his eyes. "I was in a suicidal mood. I wanted to die again." I sighed, giving into him.

I don't know why I was spilling my guts to everyone. I knew I shouldn't. I was feeling like crap again, and maybe I was tilting over to the suicidal side again.

"Angie, I'll never let you get hurt by anyone." Ryder whispered as I started to cry again. "But what if I kill myself? Finn told me he'd stop me, but I'm still really scared."

"Angie." Ryder kissed my head. "You'll be fine, I promise."

"What if I'm not?!" I shouted, pushing him off me. "What-what if I'm so mad that I end up doing it without knowing? Something could take over my brain as it seems to be doing a lot and kill me!" I shouted, waving my hands around in frustration. "Ange, this afternoon, we are going to go to someone who will be able to figure out what's wrong, and then we'll help you...but we may have to tell Finn." Ryder cupped my face in his hands and gave me a kiss on the lips."But you can't send me to a mental hospital," I whispered, looking up at him and biting the inside of my cheek.

"Never." He replied, brushing my curls behind my ear.


	8. Chapter 8

**Bros, this chapter does have some mature themes, actually- with mentions of mental disorders etc. Just a warning if you're not comfortable with that. **

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"Finn?" Ryder called to him, pulling me into the full choir room with our hands linked tightly and taking a look back at me with a sheepish smile. "Uh, yeah?" Finn said, looking at us two. "I'm going to take Angie out for a bit." Ryder smiled, swinging my hand slightly- butterflies building in my stomach. "We-We have practice." Finn argued, looking at the now completely silent group of people. Marley smiled at me and waved. I waved back at her while Ryder and Finn argued.

"Fine, just look after her." Finn finally gave in. He sighed heavily as Ryder nodded and pulled me out of the choir room happily. Ryder kissed my cheek softly and brushed my hair behind my ear. I blushed and bit my lip nervously, staring into Ryder's hypnotising eyes.

As soon as we escaped the school, Ryder suddenly went into thinking mode- which meant he was completely silent... and it was kind of frightening. He could of unleashed anything on me- he could have started beating me and I never would have expected it. "Where would we be able to..." Ryder trailed off, now walking on the side walk with me, gazing at the bushy green trees that lined the side of the road.

"Um, I know a place where we could go. It may help?" Ryder said suddenly, looking at me with his eyebrows raised. He looked so cute like that. I admired Ryder for doing this- for trying to help me overcome my problems. It meant a lot to me. "Whatever." I shrugged, biting the inside of my cheek.

Ryder looked over at me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Come on. It won't take long." He smiled cutely and pulled me back down to the school car park.

{}

And there we sat, in the waiting room. I had no idea where we were; Ryder just kind of told me we were going somewhere and then I was here, taking some test in some room covered in white things. It actually frightened me.

Ryder was sitting next to me on his phone, looking through funny pictures and laughing out loud every now and then. I was kind of hurt that he wasn't really paying me any attention... but I guess I kind of understood. He didn't understand what I was going through.

The longer I sat there, the more freaked out I was getting. I was twitchy and panicky, my breathing was heavier- sometimes my vision would go all fuzzy and black- and I could feel tears in my eyes that I refused to let fall, thinking of the possibilities of all of this... and only one came to mind; mental hospital. Surprisingly, Ryder was quick to notice my bad state, and he pulled me into a sideways hug, putting his arm around my shoulder and rubbing my arm lightly- sending tingles down it. There was no one else in the room besides us, so I actually started to cry.

"Angie, Angie," Ryder sighed, rubbing my arm lightly and kissing my cheek. "I don't want to know." I whimpered, trying to stand up. "No, you're staying here." Ryder stated firmly, looking at me worriedly. "You're a brave girl, you've put up with a lot of shit, and I'm not letting you run out." I pushed myself off Ryder and sat up straight, digging my nails into my hands. "Finn told you, didn't he?" I shouted, glaring over at Ryder and trying not to let the tears fall. "Ange," Ryder sighed heavily, shaking his head- like he was sorry.

"The little shit!" I said, gripping onto the plastic chair to try and release a bit of my anger. Before Ryder and I could say another word to each other, a man in a coat- which wasn't even needed in this stupid place- walked out of a small door. "Angela McGraw?" He called, looking at a clipboard in his hands. He was wearing a pair of black-rimmed glasses and his hair was barely there- he looked old. His face was quite long and thin and very gaunt looking... and it reminded me of him. _Dad. _"Please come into my office," He said slowly. "No." I snapped, staring at the man and glaring as hard as I could through my frightened eyes.

"Angie, you have to." Ryder whispered, standing up and holding out his hand to me. "No. I'm not going. I'm fine." I said, looking up at him and staring at the spots under his eyes- so it looked like I was looking at him in the eyes, but I really wasn't. Ryder knelt in front of me, despite the impatient doctor and lowered his voice to a quiet whispered, barely even audible to me. "Angie, you told me you knew you weren't well." He put a hand on my knee and continued. "You're a strong girl, you can handle this and I'm sure it's nothing."

"It's not nothing. It's very serious, actually." The doctor said sternly, somehow managing to hear Ryder. "Still not going." I said, trying to make my voice sound fierce, but it came out scared and soft. Ryder sighed and ran his hand through his hair and stood before trying to pull me up. I screamed against him, but he only continued to tug me up until he succeeded.

"Let go of me!" I shouted, but he stayed focus on his task. "You're not allowed to touch me! Get off, please!" I shouted, my voice cracking as I spoke. "Angie, calm down." He whispered, but now it had no effect on me. His words weren't calming me any longer. I tried to fidget out of his grip, but he held my thin wrists so tightly that it stung. "No! I'm not calming down! I don't need to know about my stupid problems! I shouldn't have even bothered, Ryder!"

Before I knew it, Ryder was pushing me into a chair as I fidgeted around, trying to get Ryder's hand off of me. The office he'd taken 5 minutes to get me into was dark and gloomy; the blinds were shut, only letting little bit of light in. There was a wooden desk in the centre of the room and behind it sat another desks with small pamphlets with different mental disorders on it. I tried as hard as I could to read them and managed to make out a few. And I just prayed to a God that I didn't even believe in that none of them didn't have anything to do with me._  
_

There was a seat next to me, but Ryder didn't sit in because he was too busy trying to hold me down and stop me from leaving. "Um, Miss McGraw," the doctor said, taking a seat in his swivel chair and spinning in one full circle before facing me. I attempted to slap Ryder's arm away, but he held my own hands to the right side of the chair. I growled. "According to your test, which you answered with quite poorly," He pulled out a sheet of paper which I had written on, and I didn't even bother re-reading what was on there. I could actually barely read my own writing. "We have come to the conclusion that you have Schizophrenia-"

"What?" I shouted, shaking my head at him. _Schziopherina? _I tried moving my hands as tears gathered in my eyes again. I bit Ryder's arm as hard as I could, but Ryder only let out a quiet groan. "Schizophrenia. A mental disorder in which you hear voices in your hea-" The doctor explained, but I cut him off.

"I don't have Schizophrenia." I snapped, my hair flying wildly everywhere. This couldn't be happening. "I don't, I don't, I don't." I repeated, closing my eyes and rocking back and forth in my spot. "Miss, the tests don't lie." the doctor sighed as I started to freak out, my breathing getting lungs felt like they were being stepped on by someone. "Angie," Ryder sighed, pulling me up and over to the back wall, still holding my wrists. "I don't have Schizophrenia." I said to him, opening my eyes and trying not to kick something. "Ange, you told me you knew something was wrong, this is it." Ryder said, shaking my wrists and looking almost... hopeful? No. Happy? No, hopeful.

"No." I snapped, shaking my head violently and refusing to believe him. "I know I don't." I panted. Ryder kissed my nose lightly and mumbling against it, "Angie, you have to trust the professionals."

"But I don't hear the voices. The voices aren't telling me what to do. I know what I'm doing." I whispered frantically. Ryder gripped my face in his hands and gave me a soft and passionate kiss on the lips. It was like he was bribing me with his kisses. I'd do anything to kiss Ryder, and I knew he knew that.

"This is normal, sir and madam," The doctor said, getting up and standing at us, playing with the clipboard and shuffling pages. "People who suffer with Schizophrenia tend to have no power over their voices and hallucinations, so they tend to brainwash them, of sorts. We'll help you get better, Miss McGraw."

"I'm not unwell," I snapped, growling at him. The doctor sighed, handing Ryder a box covered in light green, pale orange and blinding white. "Give her these every night and morning- two each time. The only side effects are suicidal thoughts, which Miss McGraw over here is already having, due to the Schizophrenia, so I recommend you don't leave her alone at any point."

"I'm not..." I took in a deep breath, which I was struggling to do and continued to talk without my voice going shaky. "I don't have Schizophrenia!" I shouted as Ryder thanked the doctor quietly and pulled me out of the small room, which was a much easier task than getting me in.

He tugged me out of the office, stilling holding onto me tightly. He pulled me to his car and sat me in the passenger seat, giving me a kiss on the cheek, and I was sad to say I just broke down into puddles of tears. "I don't..." I whimpered, but I could barely get any words out because I was choking on my own breath. "Ange, Ange, look at me," Ryder said, patting my back and cupping my face with his right hand. "I don't have it. I'm not a crazy person!" I then realised the mistake I'd made. "I don't want to go there! I don't!" I shouted, my hands shaking. "Angie," Ryder said, gripping both of my hands.. "You can get through this. You're not going crazy."

And then I was out of the car.

I didn't even know where I was, everything looked so different, like we weren't even in Ohio any more. I ran away from the car as I could and I'd stopped on some sort of highway, and I was so out of breath I couldn't speak a single word.

I saw a tree nearby and I just slid down it, running my hand through my brown hair angrily, tugging out a couple of hairs. My arms began to get itchy, so I ripped off my jacket, still panicky from before and stared at my arms. The burns that covered my arms were a sign that my life was hell, and it just kept going downhill; the suicidal thoughts were getting stronger, I was going crazier and I was just diagnosed with a freaking mental disorder. It actually couldn't have gotten worse.

I was already in tears, but I was surprised they came out heavier than before. My chest ached from sobbing so much, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop crying. I covered my face with my hands to hide the tears from people passing and thought about everything- everything my life had become.

My whole life then flashed before my eyes, as if I was dying, and it was full of shit. The only good parts that were in there were with Ryder, and that was only today and yesterday. I felt like everything had clouded over in a matter of hours, leaving me in a darker place than ever. Leaving me more depressed than I was before.

Was I too quick to react about all of this? Could I get better? Could I recover from this... disease? Was my depression going to go away? Obviously the answer to all of those was no. Nothing was ever going to get better for me.

I've been wanting to kill myself for ages now, and now seemed like a better time than any.

I was sure I wasn't schizophrenic. I knew all about it, and I didn't hear the voices, I wasn't having hallucinations either, so that confirmed everything. I didn't talk to myself and I wasn't doing anything... differently from other people. On the outside, I looked perfectly normal. I didn't have any of these imaginary friends and I didn't talk to the air around me. I definitely didn't have Schizophrenia.

And Ryder didn't believe a single word I said.

I felt like crap, every suicidal thought running over me, including the vision of my parents calling me crazy and stupid and threatening to hit me. And even one of them both tossing me at the stairs and telling me they would kill me- they weren't afraid. And now I didn't care if they did kill me, because I had nothing left to live for any more.

I shakily stood up from my spot against the tree, scared I wouldn't be able to hold my sanity (not that I was sane) any longer and looked around me. Nothing. Nothing I could use to kill myself. Not even a tree branch in my height's range- and that was hard to match. Even if I could have found a tree, I didn't have a rope or anything like that to tie a noose and kill myself like that. And I certainly didn't have anything sharp to cut myself with either so I could bleed to death. I didn't even have my lighter.

I leaned against the tree and closed my eyes, the vision of a 4-year-old me; scared and vulnerable. I looked so innocent and scared- like I didn't know any of this shit was coming. I didn't know it was... it's kind of hard when I see me- little, innocent me- back then and think about how she was going to end up killing herself. Why was she taking this horrible turn? Why was I?

I looked around the filed around me again, my suicidal feelings growing stronger. And then I had another idea- the impact of a car or a truck could kill someone, right? Maybe that was all I needed. I scanned my eyes for a road- and I luckily spotted one in the distance, just across the large, grassy field.

I shakily regained my balance and walked over to the tar, squeezing my hands to get all of my frustration out. I chewed on my lip until it bled as I stood on the side of the road. And to my utter joy, it was empty. Not a single car, truck or motorbike in view.

I waited there for what felt like forever, before a bright green car could be seen from around the corner. . I took a deep breath as it came up closer to me. _This was it. The moment of your death, Angie. _

And just like that, I stepped off the side walk and onto the tar road... and everything- all of my problems- disappeared.


	9. Chapter 9

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

That was all I heard, but I knew I wasn't dead like I'd intended. I didn't even know where I was exactly, but all I heard was the beeping and the constant shuffling of feet on tiles. Where the hell was I?

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

God, I just wanted to stand up and throw whatever was making that irritating noise, but I couldn't move anything; I was way too tired and sore. I'd been asleep, or dead, as I first thought, but I kept on hearing the shuffling and that annoying as hell beeping. And I was still tired.

"How could you lie to me, Ryder?" I heard Finn's voice, and it sounded so sad, with a bit of anger. It kind of shocked me, actually. That confirmed that I was definitely not dead. "Look, Finn," Ryder said, before I heard more shuffling. Ryder's voice sounded close to tears, and he kept on coughing, over and over- it made my heart hurt. "We-We were going to hang out at mine, but Angie told me that she was sure she had a mental disorder, so we got her tested; she didn't want to tell you just in case you sent her to a mental hospital... and then she ran away from me. I wasn't expecting it, and I looked everywhere for her, until I found her lying in front of the car while the distressed person tried-" I heard a couple of sniffles before he continued. "You know, I read that when people get hit by cars they don't normally survive and I'm really scared for her and I feel like it's all my fault!" Ryder shouted. "Look, Ryder-"

"No! It is my fault, Finn! I took her out and she ran away while in my watch!" Ryder shouted, his voice shaky. I tried to tell him I was alright by moving something, but I couldn't. It was almost like I was paralysed. "Do you know how scary it was finding her there?" Ryder sniffled. "Dude, it's okay. The doctor said she was going to be okay, and what else did he say?"

I tried listening to the rest of their conversation, but all of the noise began to sound fuzzy before everything cut out.

{}

I heard the beeping again before I had enough energy to open my eyes. I saw a blinding light before everything in the room was clear again... and I was in some place with blinding bed sheets and tiled walls with the perfectly clean roof... then it suddenly became so clear to me where I was; a hospital.

I admit, I was a bit disappointed that I was still alive, but a part of me was kind thankful... It was my stupid _schizophrenia_ taking over me, or maybe I was just so depressed it was real...

Over to my right, I saw Finn slumped in a chair, sleeping. He had a long string of saliva dripping down his face and his head hung back.

As my surroundings became clear, I saw all of these machines plugged into me, I started to panic. "Finn!" I shouted, my breathing getting quicker as my head began to spin. Finn woke up with a shock and saw me awake, sitting in my bed and panicking. "Ange!" He had a smile on his face, but it quickly faded as he realised how worried I was. "Ange, it's okay." He said, coming over to me and patting my back lightly. It felt so un-humanly having someone actually care for me. "It's okay, you're good, and you're alive." He smiled, sitting on the bed. I started crying again and Finn pulled me into a tight hug, kissing my messed up curls lightly.

We stayed silent for a moment while I sobbed into his shoulder, before I started to panic even more. "Get these stupid cords off me! I'm freaking fine! Why am I even here anyway?" I shouted, shaking my arms around and trying to pull the various cords off of my arms before Finn grabbed them tightly. "Angie, do you know how serious what you did was? You tried to kill yourself."

"And I wish I succeeded." I snapped. "Angie, you were out for, like, 4 days! Do you know scared everyone in Glee club was about you? They bought all these flowers but they wouldn't let them in. You would have broken all of our hearts if you'd succeeded! Especially Ryder! He's madly in love with you, and he hasn't slept in ages. Mr. Schue's been telling me he keeps on falling asleep in class." Finn held my hands tighter as I looked away from him. "They diagnosed me with-"

"I know, Ryder told me. And he told me how you _knew _that it wasn't true, and he didn't believe you. Well, you were right." That was not something I thought I was going to hear. I thought he'd say something along the lines of "You are insane, Angie," or maybe, "You belong in a mental hospital."

"W-what?" I said, my muscles relaxing slightly as I gazed up into Finn's bright eyes. "They took a brain scan while you were out and the doctor you visited didn't, like, get it right.. It commonly happens, according to the doctors here." Finn said quietly with a small smile, taking one of his hands off of my wrists and wiping a tear from my face. "You have undiagnosed bipolar disorder." Finn whispered, trying his hardest to break the news carefully to me.

I took a deep breath while the information seeped into my mind. It wasn't much better than being a schizophrenic, but it gave me a bit of pride knowing I was right- I proved them wrong... just once.

"Ange, the doctors said that bipolar disorder often triggers suicidal thoughts, and that's why you did... this." Finn showed a small smile before wrapping his arm around me again. "You're awesome, Angie. I don't want you doing this to me ever again." He mumbled. "I'll try not to." I sighed, tracing my hands up and down my arms... they were scarred, still, but they looked different. Instead of being dints in my skin with little black and yellow rings around them, it just seemed like a layer of white plastic over my arm. "Oh, yeah, they fixed up your arms and the rest of your scars." Finn smiled, touching my arm lightly- with a small shudder.

As we sat in silence, Finn's phone began to ring loudly and I covered my ears. "What's the time?" I asked quietly, my throat feeling sore, as he answered it. "6am." He sighed with a small chuckle. "Who'd be calling at this time?" I whispered, falling back onto the pillow and closing my eyes to try and subside the upcoming dizziness.

"See for yourself." He sighed, handing the phone over to me slowly. I answered it- not bothering to look at the I.D- and before I got a chance to say something, I heard a sweet voice yelling on the other end. "Oh, my god. Finn, please tell me she's woken up or moved or something? Please! Is she okay?" Ryder panted a bit as I stayed quiet, trying to take it in. Was it possible that Ryder really cared about me as much as it sounded like? Could I actually be dead and this was heaven?

"Ryder..." I choked out, a smile finding it's way onto my face. "Ange?" He shouted, hurting my ears- but I didn't care. My heart was pounding out of excitement- I totally forgot about everything that had happened to me.

"Yep." I laughed as he started breathing heavy and slowly. "Are... are you there? Like, real?" He asked quietly. "Yes, Ryder, I'm fine, I think. I mean, Finn told me about the bipolar, and I'm a bit sore, but I think I'm okay."

"I am coming down there," Ryder sighed before I heard footsteps through the line. "I don't think its visiting hours." I muttered, looking over at a confused Finn who was trying to work out how to use the nurse calling button and pressing seven different coloured buttons, sending different things going off. I would have laughed, but I felt so many different things at once that I wasn't sure what to do. "I don't care, I'm coming because I'm in love with you and I nearly died when I found you on the ground in front of that-that car."

"I'm so sorry," I said, choking on my words the slightest bit. "Ange, I was reading- something I can't do too well- on Wikipedia and it said that bipolar disorder could trigger suicidal thoughts, and I think that is what happened." Ryder murmured, before I heard a car door slam. Before I could get another word in, Ryder began speaking again. "Okay, I'll be there in a minute." Ryder murmured, before he said something I hadn't really expected to hear in my lifetime, "I-I love you."

Overcome with too many feelings, I muttered out what I thought needed to be said to him- my true feelings about Ryder. "I love you too."

The line cut dead there, but I still held the phone to my ear, my stomach feeling cold. "Is he still there, or..." Finn trailed off, looking back at me with his eyebrows raised. "No." I whispered, pulling the phone down and resting it on my knee.

"Finn, I feel really bad," I muttered, running my hand through my hair. "I feel like I've caused everyone pain because I was stupid enough to try and give up. I'm so sorry!" I almost shouted, looking up at Finn- he was so... calm. "Ange, we all know how tough your life has been. We don't blame you, we would have just been distr- distrau-"

"Distraught?"

"Yeah. All of us would be like that." Finn stood and gave me another tight, bear hug and we just stayed like that for a while. I don't know what exactly had come over me- I felt like I could _trust _people for some reason and I'd never been able to do that. I'd never been able to actually feel like I was being loved by another person. I didn't even love myself, and I heavily doubted anyone would ever love me.

I felt worthy now. Like I did have something to live for; a proper family. People who cared about me, and loved me... Ryder...

"You incompetent young boy! This is a hospital!" I heard a doctor call from outside before the door flung open, revealing Ryder. He was still in his pajamas, his silky brown hair ruffled from sleep. He had no shoes on and they were covered in gravel and dirt- and maybe even some grass.

"Oh, my god." Ryder sighed happily, walking up to me and grabbing me into a bear hug as soon as I let go of Finn. "I love you, I love you so much. I can't believe I almost lost you." He whispered, rubbing my hair lightly and cradling me. "I'm sorry," I mumbled against his shirt, but Ryder and I stayed silent, Finn watching over us like a hawk. I guess he didn't trust Ryder with me too much after... when?

"What day is it?" I asked loudly as Ryder pulled back, looking at Finn like I was. "Hey, it's Tuesday!" Finn exclaimed, looking at his watch. "Glee club meeting in about an hour!" Finn smiled brightly. Ryder smiled and chuckled slightly at Finn, sitting on the bed next to me.

"Do you know how scared I was about you?" Ryder said, holding me tightly and rubbing his nose against my cheek. "Very?" I whispered, looking up at him. Ryder nodded as Finn stood up, pulling a packet of tablets out of his pockets. "You need to take these." He said bluntly, handing them to me. He almost sounded as if he didn't want to give them to me. "No." I snapped as Ryder sighed heavily. "Ange, they're... they can help you. This time, they're correct about the bipolar and the drugs are... good for you. They control your outbursts, pretty much."

"I don't have outbursts." I snapped, elbowing him in the ribs as hard as I could- he cringed, so obviously it hurt just a little bit, even though I was feeling really weak. "Wrong choice of words." He whispered, taking them in his hands and toying with them. "These or the mental hospital." Ryder whispered as Finn hit him on the back of the head with a glare. "I'm not going to a mental hospital!" I shouted, tears spilling out of my eyes. Ryder looked at the box and popped out a tablet on the table by my bed. "Take it, then." He said slowly, looking up at me softly.

"I hate you." I muttered, putting the capsule in my mouth and taking a sip of the water on the bedside table. I didn't actually mean it though- I could never hate Ryder... he was the first person that loved me. And almost as if he was reading my mind, he voiced his true love for me once more. "I love you too."

{}

**A/N: This chapter was so bitter-sweet, I'm not too sure it was that good, but whatever! Sorry for the delayed update- I got caught up with other stuff :) But it's here... and certainly, the drama is far from over ;) -Camypoo x **


	10. Chapter 10

Ceiling.

Ceiling was all that I saw. One of that stupid drugs side effects was drowsiness, which I would soon get used to, but for now I was so depressed and tired. I didn't feel like moving... or even breathing. Was one of the side effects suicidal thoughts? Or maybe that's just _my_ thoughts because, well, I did just try to kill myself.

Finn had been pulled out of the room to talk to a doctor and Ryder darted home to get dressed, so I was left here alone and scared. And cold. And sore. And... lonely.

I just wanted to get this drug out of my system, but I couldn't. I could barely move, and another of the side effects was constipation- maybe that was one of the _worst _side effects. But if it didn't have that side effect, I still wouldn't be allowed to get out of this stupid bed without everyone panicking that I was going to kill myself.

This drug- I barely remember what it was called (it was some long word I couldn't pronounce)- was meant to help my outbursts, but it just made me more and more depressed that I already was. I hadn't actually moved in the past hour, but the doctors said it was normal.

Getting completely sick of just lying here in pain, I managed to pull myself up and swung my numb legs over the side of the bed. This is the first time I've actually walked since I attempted suicide. My legs felt shaky- almost like I couldn't hold myself up- and this horrible feeling welled up in my stomach.

As soon as I touched the floor with the tip of my toe, loud, blaring sirens began to go off around the hospital. I covered my ears with my hands and stood up properly. Before I even took a step to run, about 10 nurses and doctors came into the room, grabbing my arms and legs, pulling me back to the bed viciously, not even bothering to think about how I felt about all of this. "Get off me!" I shouted, waving my legs around, before someone secured them together with what looked like rope or tape.

I was screaming curse words at them as they tied my hands to the bed with rope and some cushion-y stugg, leaving me hyperventilating helplessly on the bed. "The drugs aren't working properly," I heard the faint voice of a male doctor say. I craned my head to have a look and saw the an old doctor at the door of my room, standing next to Finn. "This is one of the most severe cases of bipolar we've seen. It's strange that she's be undiagnosed for so long. After the drugs, it should be fine, as long as she keep taking them," I heard the doctor speaking quietly, before there were millions of doctors over the top of me, all yelling different things at each other. I saw one doctor holding a small little needle filled with a light yellow liquid. Another doctor held my elbow as they injected the liquid into me, a light sting coming over my arm, before everyone's voices faded out and my surroundings turned black.

_Shaking. Shaking. My head was in my hands and I was crying so hard that I was shaking. I don't even know where I was, everything was white and seemed to spread out for miles and miles on end. I looked down at myself and saw I was wearing a latex, black jumpsuit that was almost impossible to move it- I could barely put my arms above my head. _

_All I could feel was me shaking, though. I swear my bones were going to shatter if I kept this up._

_At first I thought it was a dream, but it all seemed to real. What if it was a dream? Would I remember it? What if it wasn't a dream and it was real...? Oh, dear God. This couldn't be real, could it?_

_My veins had a sudden shot of adrenaline and then I was flailing on the floor. I wasn't sure what was happening. Had they given me something that made me go insane? I tried gripping onto the blinding white floor, but my fingers kept on slipping. Suddenly, I stopped moving around and just laid there, paralysed on my back. And then, I was being pulled to my feet and began running._

_I saw those stupid pink and white pills I'd been forced to take. They were in my face, almost telling me to take them- almost forcing me to swallow them. I backed away from them slowly, tears gathering in my eyes, before I was grabbed by the arms roughly and being dragged backwards, the pills looming in my face still. I closed my eyes, but they were there too. They were everywhere._

_I started to shout, by I couldn't even hear myself. I was mute, I couldn't say anything. I couldn't process any words through my mouth. Almost like someone had ripped out my voice box._

_Suddenly, I pushed into a room, with mirrors on the ground and on the walls and on the roof. I was so scared and I didn't think I could be any more frightened... until I saw myself in the reflection on the wall; My crazy light brown hair was ruffled and sticking up in every direction, my face was pale and scared and I had horrible bloodshot eyes, which barely even looked green any more._

_I caught a glimpse of a window above one of the mirrors on the opposite side of the room, so I ran over to it and managed to get my upper body out of the window, before my feet slipped on the mirror and my hands were suddenly tied behind my back with chains that were digging into my skin. I fell onto the floor with a groan, my head spinning as it made contact with the hard mirror._

_I watched the mirror on the ceiling, staring at myself there. Suddenly, the roof collapsed and fell straight onto me. I let out a strangled scream and closed my eyes, praying that it wouldn't hurt as much as I imagined. Shivers went through my body as the rood went straight by me, turning into dust around me. I sat up, my hands now untied and began to run again, getting the feeling that something was chasing me. _

_Before I could run any further, I tripped myself over and saw lots of men in white coats getting closer to me with evil grins. They grabbed my arms and my legs tightly as I screamed, fidgeting in their grip. "Let go!" I screamed, but my voice faded away. The evil doctors just laughed, like they knew how much emotional pain I was in. _

_And then, I was thrown in a room with a thud, crashing into a soft pink wall... and here I finally was. Where I was destined to me. My worst nightmare._

I woke up with a shock, sitting up almost immediately and seeing the familiar hospital room I had been lying in when they drugged me. I wanted to run away- to escape because they _were _going to send me there- but a hand was gripping mine tightly.

I started to cry heavily and hyperventilate, wishing it wouldn't come true. It couldn't come true. I wouldn't let it happen- and I'd die if it did. "Ange, it's okay." Ryder whispered, sitting up on the bed next to me and patting my back softly, obviously scared at the fact I was shaking harder than an earthquake. He was dressed now, in a colourful t-shirt and dark jeans. I pushed my face into his top, sobbing heavily and leaving my tears onto his perfect top.

"Is she okay?" I heard Marley whisper, before I brought my head up slightly to see her and her boyfriend (I think, anyway). "Probably just a bad dream or something. Bipolar can do that to someone, I think." Ryder whispered, stroking my hair lightly to try and calm my shaking.

I pushed Ryder off suddenly and sat back, crossing my arms over my chest. "Sorry, Ange." Ryder whispered, raising his eyebrows questioningly. "Sorry, I'm just not feeling well." I muttered, shaking my head and staring at the scratchy bed sheets. "Understandable." Ryder laughed quietly before Marley came up to me, giving me a tight hug. I returned it weakly and showed her the best smile I could. "I was worried." She said, shuffling next to me and patting my back. "For the past couple of days, I've just been wanting to cry."

"You have been crying." The brown-eyed boy sitting in the seats whispered with a light chuckle. "Okay, Jake's right, I have been crying." Marley said, pointing to Jake and laughing lightly. I tried to force out a laugh, but it hurt too much. I looked to Ryder, who sent me a smile and a look that made me feel calm. "I kept hearing you in my head telling me about how suicidal you were. You don't know how worried I was when the rest of the Glee club and I found out about this."

"Sorry," I said in a shaky voice, giving her a hug again. "Don't be. I'm just glad you are here." Marley rubbed my back and pulled away, holding my burnt arm lightly. I forced a smile before she walked away and sat on Jake's lap with a smile.

"Where's Finn?" I asked, folding the edges of the bed sheets and shrugging. "He had to deal with some stuff at school, so he let Marls and I in to give you flowers and stuff." Jake smiled at me, eyeing me up and down. We'd never actually formally met before. This has to be the most terrible way for two people to meet. "They gave you all of these different roses, it's so cool." Ryder smiled up at me excitedly, pointing to a bundle of roses on the table next to him- on the same table as the tablets. I shuddered lightly just thinking about them. I smiled at Marley and Jake as a thank you before Ryder pulled himself onto the bed again. "You okay?" He whispered, a worried look crossing his sad brown eyes. _Sad._ "Yeah." I nodded hopefully, trying to make him feel my false emotions. "Just a bad dream while I was sedated or whatever. It was scary."

"What happened?" Ryder asked, moving a bit of hair out of my face. "I don't want to talk about it." Ryder nodded with a smile and leaned down, kissing my nose lightly. "You don't have to, but have another nap, babe. We'll be here." Ryder rubbed my back lightly before standing up and pulled the covers and cushions over me. I turned and curled into the fetal position, my back facing Ryder.

"She's beautiful," Ryder sighed.

{}

**Hope you liked this chapter :) This chapter was kinda short, so I'm sorry for that.  
That dream that Angie had while she was sedated was based on one of my favourite songs; Madhouse by Little Mix- the best girl band everr. **

**Thank you for, khfan12, for your reviews on the past few chapters :') They have made me smile so much when I've updated. :D x So... thank you a lot.  
**

**-Camryn x**


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up with another fright the next morning. This stupid dream had been haunting me every single time I slept and it was scaring me. Every time it happened, it would take several hours for me to get over it- and by that time, I'd be instructed to sleep again. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I didn't want to sleep because of my dream... it was a crossroad. Huh, this feels all too familiar.

After I'd calmed down the slightest bit, I wiped my eyes and looked to my right, wiping my sweat covered head with my arm. Kitty. Britt. Blonde boy. Ryder.

I took in a shaky breath, holding myself up with my trembling arms. "Again?" Ryder asked, standing up and sitting next to me. I nodded and leaned my head on his shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?" Ryder asked, as he did every time. I shook my head for the billionth time and sighed heavily, tears burning in my eyes.

I decided to try and take my mind off of the fact I was dying inside over the dream, so I asked Ryder who exactly the blonde boy was- like with Jake, this was our first encounter. "Who's that?" I whispered, looking over to Ryder, but keeping one eye on Britt and the boy. "Brittany and Sam," Ryder nodded, pulling his arm around me and kissing my hair lightly. "They're not the brightest people ever." He told me slowly, biting his lip with a hint of a smile. I attempted to return it, but my muscles felt too weak and I didn't have even a little bit of happiness inside of me. "Hey," I said, looking over at them and an uninterested Kitty, who was filing her nails."Hi, Ange." Britt said happily, waving at me. "I'm Brittany and this is Sam." She smiled a little bit, pointing over at Sam, who gave me a half smile. "I know," I whispered, nodding my head slightly and blinking at them. "We were worried," Sam muttered, watching me carefully as I rolled my eyes and looked away from them and to the wall in front of me. "Sorry, but everyone says stuff about them being worried, it's annoying. I know I made a mistake. I know I hurt people. I know I made you all worried. I know I nearly died, but I don'y care."

"Ange, that was a really serious thing you did." Sam told me with a frown... before Kitty spoke up- with an insult obviously. "It was serious, but I give you points for creativity," she said with her signature smirk, pointing at me with her perfect French manicured nails. "Shut up." Ryder snapped, giving her a hard glare and tensing up. "Ryder, calm down." I whispered, touching his bicep and biting my inner lip to stop myself from screaming at someone.

Ryder mumbled something inaudible before turning to me and pulling a smile. I managed to smile back and gave him a tight hug around the waist, leaning my head on his chest. "Thank you for being there for me... and not, like, thinking I'm weird, or anything." I whispered as Brittany started shouting "Aw!" at us with a smile. "I could never leave you, because you're too beautiful." Ryder whispered, kissing my head. I felt butterflies gather up in my stomach. Everything that Ryder had done for me seemed far too good to be true.

And at that moment, I believed my life was perfect, although I knew it really wasn't. It just seemed... so good at this moment.

But before this perfect moment in my messed up life could continue, some woman doctor with dark black hair and dark skin came in, carrying a large board. She had this little smile on her face that seemed too smug for a hospital- and I just wanted to punch her in the face. "Miss McGraw's guests, you have to leave." She told them quietly, not even giving me a glance. Brittany, Sam and Kitty stood up slowly, waving to me, but Ryder stayed in his spot with his arm still around me. This I was thankful for. "Boy, you have to leave." She said, nodding in the direction of the door. "His name's Ryder." I muttered, gripping onto his hand now and digging my chipped nails into it. "Sorry, Ryder, but you have to leave." The woman said almost impatiently, sending Ryder this _look. _

"No, he's not leaving." I said fiercely, looking at Ryder, who was slowly getting up off of the bed. "Don't leave, you can't leave me!" I shouted, grabbing his arms and pushing my nails in unintentionally. "Angie-"

"You can't leave me alone in here! What happened last time? You remember it! I can't be left alone! You have to stay here and be with me. Please!" Ryder leaned down suddenly and kissed me on the lips, whispering softly. "You've got the doctor in here, and I'll be outside, babe."

I shook my head in protest as tears began to build up in my eyes. He ignored my plea and planted another kiss on my lips before he disappeared through the door with one last look at me and a comforting smile. I crossed my arms angrily as the doctor smiled sweetly. The nerve of her. "I've come to explain to you about your disorder."

"I know about it. I'm bipolar- I have mood swings and I'm _very _suicidal." I snapped, rolling my eyes and pulling a sarcastic smile. "Well, yes, but there's a scientific reason for it, but first, I want to discuss your suicidal attempt," She smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed. I didn't want to be reminded of this- not now, not ever again. "Ugh, I've talked about this millions of times." She brushed off my comment and begun to talk seriously to me in a low tone. "You're really lucky, Angela." _God, I hate when people call me that. "_Normally, the impact of a moving vehicle could kill someone, but you made it out perfectly fine. No broken bones and no internal bleeding. Only a few small cuts and grazes. It's a miracle, Angela."

I rolled my eyes and looked at my legs under the blankets, trying to stop myself from crying- I hated crying, it made me look weak. "Anyway, I want to show you this." She held up a board with 3 scans of brains on it, different parts highlighted in bright yellow. I stared at it for a moment, before she began to explain exactly what this was. "The scan to the this side is a normal brain," she said quietly, pointing to the scan on the left side of the board. Why was she rubbing in the fact that I wasn't normal in my face? "Where as, the brain in the middle is the brain of someone with bipolar-"

"Like me?"

"No. If you look at the brain in the middle, you will see that the yellow regions of the brain are highlighted because they are the parts which are set off by bipolar." She said, raising her eyebrows at me. I shakily nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. "If you look to the final brain, you will see lots of yellow." She took a deep breath, putting her finger over every dot of yellow- there was so much there that it actually hurt my eyes. "This brain is your brain. It's one of the most severe cases of bipolar we have seen in years." She gave me a smile, which just made me feel horrible before standing up. She was doing this, wasn't she? She was telling me that I was far from normal... she was practically telling me I was crazy. "The medication we have you on aren't enough to get your brain to the right state, so there will be more work involved."

"More, what?" I choked out as she stood by the door, not even looking the slightest bit worried that I was about to break down. "Medication and... other things." She smiled, exiting the room. _The nerve of this bitch. _

I shook my head wildly at the door and let out a strangled sob, putting my hand over my mouth to stop myself from making any other noises. This wasn't happening- it couldn't be happening. I let a single tear escape my eye before another fell and eventually, it was just a giant waterfall of my tears.

I fell back onto my pillow and gazed up at the ceiling, the tears rushing down my face quickly as I sobbed so hard that it literally hurt my chest whenever I took in a breath. I refused to let this happen. I couldn't let it. I couldn't go there... and I wouldn't. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let it happened and I'd do whatever it took.

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	12. Chapter 12

It had been a couple of days since that rude- okay, maybe not so rude- nurse talked to me about the consquences of my bipolar and I couldn't seem to get her cruel words out of my head. They stuck like super glue.

I _was __finally _allowed to come home after those couple of days, and I was so grateful, yet so... worried about it. I mean, I wanted to go back to Finn's and maybe have a little more freedom than I did at the hospital, but as soon as I stepped through the door, it was like the life was sucked out of me- I didn't want to do anything... I just wanted to die again. I guess that was my default mood now. _  
_

After being home for a couple of hours, Finn was sitting next to me on the dark brown couch in his flat as I curled up into a ball. He was trying really hard to get me to take my medication again, but I didn't want to listen to a word he said. I didn't want to take those stupid meds, though. Deep in my mind, after all of the bipolar shit they told me about, I knew I would be okay eventually. I didn't need to take anything in order to control myself. All it took was some self-control, and I knew I could channel it if I tried.

"Ange, you're going to have to!" Finn shouted, finally realising I wasn't listening. I shook slightly and dug my nails into my legs. _Stop being a pansy. _"Why?" I screamed in reply, standing up at the speed of light and curling my hands into fists. "Angie, you saw the scan," He sighed quietly, scratching his head. "Yeah, I did." I snapped, willing myself not to cry _again. _"And it hurt to know that my case is more serious than the others- it hurt to know that I'm more mentally damaged than everyone." I held out my shaking hand in Finn's direction and swallowed the invisible food in my mouth. "Give it. I'll take one, just to make you happy."

Finn- looking clearly shocked- handed over one of the pink and white tablets and laid it on my hand slowly. I put it in my mouth, swallowing it without any water. "Done!" I shouted, throwing my hands up and running up the stairs, to the bathroom just across from my room. I could have gone there, I guess, but I wasn't thinking straight. I was scared shit-less about what the drug was doing to me- how did it _control my outbursts? _How does a stupid piece of whatever that shit is do that?

After leaning against the bathroom door for a minute, I remembered exactly where I was- _the bathroom_. The memory of Ryder telling me about Marley's bulimia wasn't that far away. I was kind of unsure about it, of course, but if I could get the drug out my system, that was okay. Everything would okay... I wasn't too sure exactly how to throw up, but I could try, right? The worst thing that could happen was that I didn't end up vomiting.

I shakily stood up with the help of the door and held onto the bathroom sink- completely prepared to vomit- but the door opened quickly. Finn practically stormed in and grabbed me by the waist roughly, tugging me out of the cold bathroom and into my room. I was yelling at him again, but I felt so powerless. I felt like I couldn't do anything any more.

He dropped me on my bright purple bed and held me down by the arms and sat on me until I finally stopped cursing at him and crying. He sighed and slowly sat up, keeping a careful eye on me to make sure I didn't dart for the bathroom again. "Ange, I know what you were going to do." Finn told me slowly, sitting next to me and resting his hand on my thigh. "I'm not going to go through helping something with that again. I'm not letting you go through it."

"I was... I'm angry, Finn. I feel like shit!" I shouted, finally looking up at him with wide eyes. "Ange, just wait for the medication to sink in-" Finn began, shaking his head.

"What if it is the medication making me feel like this?" I screamed loud enough for the neighbours to hear me, standing up and facing him. "Angie, you have to remember that it's going to hel-" I couldn't help but continue cutting Finn off; I didn't want to hear any more of his nonsense. "I don't need any help, especially not from some stupid pill!" I stormed out of my room, feeling like I didn't even have control over my own body any more.

I ran down to the kitchen, almost tripping over myself, and looked through the cupboards throwing the utensils everywhere. I was trying to find the lighter- I had to find it before I went insane-, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I needed to find that lighter before I did some insane again.

Finn rushed into the room as I was looking through a drawer with a collection of knives. "Angie, what are you l-"

Without even thinking, I quickly grabbed one of the shiny knives and put it close to my neck, immediately making Finn shut up. "D-don't, Angie." He stuttered, holding out his shaking hand. He was so pale- he looked like a ghost. "I will. I'm not scared to. I just got out of hospital for nearly killing myself, I will do it again." I threatened. "What can I do to get you to stop?" Finn said. "Lighter, now." I demanded, giving him a hard glare. I honestly do not know what had come over me at that instant.

Finn fumbled around in his pockets for a moment before pulling out my lighter- my lifeline. He held it out for me with obvious fear in his eyes. Frantically, I snatched the lighter from him, dropping the knife on the floor with a clatter and storming out of the kitchen and out of the house. "Where are you going?" Finn asked, running after me. "Somewhere," I muttered with an eye roll. Finn sighed heavily and followed me outside, down the cracked side path. As he finally caught up to me, he grabbed my hand tightly and spun me back around to him.

Me, being the anxious and insane person I am, got scared and flicked the lighter against his hand, accidentally igniting it and burning his hand.. "Ah, crap." He said, pulling his hand away and cradling it. I stood stunned for a moment before realising what I had done to Finn. I hurt him, especially after all he did for me. And I returned to favour by nearly killing myself again and burning his hand? What kind of person am I? "I am so sorry!" I shouted with tears in my eyes, throwing the lighter into the patch of grass on my left and wrapping my arms around him. "Sorry, sorry, sorry." I mumbled against his chest, all of a sudden calm. "Ah, it's fine." He whispered, his voice actually sounding hurt.

I gazed up at him and studied the look on his face- he looked like he was in absolute pain. Like he'd just been hit by a car or something. Oh, God.

"Angie, it's fine." He told me, rubbing my back with his good hand and pressing the bad one against his hoodie. I felt so bad about burning him that I started to cry into his shirt, despite his constant reassurance that he was okay. Maybe I said this too much, but I did actually hate myself.

I pushed myself off him lightly and grabbed his hurt hand lightly, staring at the light red mark there that was obviously going to start blistering soon. Finn spun around and pulled his hand back, walking back to the house. He told me quietly to come with him and I did follow him, scared about what he was going to do- what if he really was going to hurt me because I hurt him? What if his promise not to hurt me had been a lie? We walked back to his house and he stood in the kitchen, running his hand under the cold water.

"Angie, it's okay, I know how you feel. You're upset, but you can't blame yourself." He told me quietly. "But I do blame myself." I muttered, leaning against the sink and staring at my shoes. "Angie, I know you don't believe me, but it was your, um, bipolar. It was really clear to see."

I nodded in agreement, not even bothered to argue with him. I didn't even have a clue if he was right or not. "Maybe the meds are working," I heard Finn mutter quietly- I barely head him. "I feel really bad." I whined as Finn shook his hand to get the water off. "It's barely even burnt, it was just hot." He shrugged, pulling me into another hug and kissing my hair lightly. "Can I talk to Ryder, please?" I whispered. Finn nodded, pulling the phone off the wall and putting in a number. He handed the small black phone to me and smiled, taking a seat at the wooden table nearby.

I leaned against the bench, tapping my foot and waiting for Ryder to pick up. "What's up?" I was greeted with. "Ryder, hi." I mumbled, biting my nail. "Oh, Ange, you're home, I'm coming over!" He shouted, stopping the background noise- probably Call of Duty or something. "Okay, be quick though." I whispered frantically as he hung up.

"Where'd he go?" Finn asked, rubbing his hand lightly. I spun around and slammed the phone down. "He's coming over," I told him. "I feel really bad," I continued, rubbing my own hand. "Ange, look, it's not bad," Finn shook his hand at me and raised an eyebrow. "It's probably going to blister, but this'll be a story to tell Glee club." He beamed.

I shrugged, still not bothered by the whole Glee club thing. I can't dance and I most certainly cannot sing- I know that for a fact. I'm not being melodramatic about that fact- I'm not like those chicks who say they can't sing but in fact have an amazing voice. I was far from that.

Finn and I stood (well, he sat) in silence for a moment before Finn looked at me and broke our silence, "Ryder loves you a lot, you know?"

"He's known me for a week, Finn." I muttered, crossing my arms. "I love you as a daughter or a sister or whatever and I've known you for a week. Ryder just loves you more than that because you've been paying more attention to him than to me." Finn shrugged with a tiny smile. I nodded and stared at him.

I was about to ask another question, but there was a loud knock at the door. Finn sighed and rolled his eyes, standing up to go and get the door. I took a step to follow him, but the nice I had recklessly thrown on the ground before glared up at me. I was going to move, but that knife I had left on the ground was annoying me. It wanted me to look at it, almost as if it was telling me how I stupid I am.

"Ange, hey!" Ryder smiled brightly, coming over to me and giving me a hug. I closed my eyes and cherished the moment, trying to cut out everything else in my life; the fact I'm an idiot.

"We're going to go to Ange's room, Finn. I'll look after her, I promise." Ryder shouted, already making his way to my room. "I'm so glad you're okay, you know?" He told me once we reached my small bedroom, sitting down on my bed. I nodded, taking a seat next to him awkwardly. "I'm not sure Finn trusts me any more." Ryder whispered with a shrug. "He doesn't." To my shock, I laughed quietly. I had never really _laughed _before. I probably had but this moment felt like the first time I had- maybe because Ryder was there and he made everything special.

But, of course, I knew no special moment could last forever. Ryder fidgeted and looked up at me slowly. "Have you been taking your..."

"Yeah. I didn't want to. Instead of facing up to it, I decided to be a pansy and that ended up in me burning Finn's hand." I told him, fighting the urge to run out of the house and pick up the lighter I'd left in the grass. Maybe the medication was working...

Ryder nodded sympathetically and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, kissing my cheek softly and slowly. "My brave girl."

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**When I first published this fanfiction on Wattpad- you see, this has already been written so I'm just editing it- I thought that maybe there might be too much DRAMA! ...is it too much, though? 'Cause, like, I think I've toned it down a li'l bit in the next couple of chapters. **

**Anyway; khfan12- I see a table flying across the room and smashing on the ground into a billion little pieces when I read your review. I don't know what exactly was going through my head when I wrote that, but okay. :) And yeah... she totally seems emo... my friend actually pointed this out to me when she was reading it and told me to "Tune down the emo." ;P I thought that needed to be said. Thank you for reviewing! I get excited every time I see a new review x **

**-Camryn **


	13. Chapter 13

It was like 8am and I was still lying in bed. I didn't want to get up and face the world. I was kind of just laying there, staring at the wall in front of me and feeling like crap. Finn was so excited about me seeing the Glee club again today and me going back to school again, and I did burn him, so it'd be great to make him happy, but I didn't want to face them. I didn't want the humiliation, honestly.

A couple of the club came and visited me, but others were busy in that week I was in hospital and the couple of days I was home... Ryder was saying he was going to be thrilled to have me back at school again, but I wasn't sure I had the energy to go- I felt completely depressed.

"Ange," Finn whispered, opening the door to my room and peering his head in. "Hey," I whispered, my voice being muffled by the pillow. "You going to get up?" He asked, walking in and standing in front of me with a half smirk. I shrugged in response. "I don't feel like it. Hell, I want to get up to make you and Ryder happy."

"Look, Ange," Finn said, sitting down on my bed and touching my knee lightly. I don't want you thinking you have to make everyone happy all the time." He told me, looking over and smiling. I narrowed my eyes at him and raised my eyebrows "Come on." He murmured, standing up. I groaned and pulled myself up, practically dragging myself out of bed and sitting down on the floor against the bed. I was too tired to bother with standing up.

"That's good!" Finn shouted, giving me a thumbs up and walking out of the room, keeping a careful eye on me. I crawled over to the cupboard and pulled out a pile of clothes and threw them on. I wasn't bothered about how I looked- I didn't care about _anything..._ maybe Ryder was an exception though.

I crawled to the door and opened it slowly, pulling myself to my feet before walking down the stairs and combing through my hair with my fingers. I did whatever Finn said, going through the morning like it didn't exist. My arms were itchy- telling me I needed to burn myself, but I knew that there would be no chance of ever doing that again. I was stupid enough to leave it on the side walk.

Eventually, after a short morning of moping around, Finn pulled me out of the door and pushed me into the car. "Everyone's going to be so excited to see you, Ange." He whispered, ruffling my hair lightly. "Whatever." I sighed, leaning against the window. I knew I was going to be in for a long and tiring day.

{}

When we reached the school, Finn said he around the other side of the school to visit Mr. Schue. He told me to go in the normal entrance, where Tina- one of the Glee club members I hadn't met yet- would meet me. I just knew that making me walk into the school alone would be a really bad idea.

I slowly and carefully walked to the entrance of the school and pushed the door open. I took a step into the hallway and pulled on my bag, trying not to get noticed by anyone. But it turned out everyone knew who I was and they all fell silent, staring at me and judging me.

They couldn't have found out about the suicide, could they? Finn told me he hadn't told anyone... how would they know then? Maybe I had something on my face and that's why they were staring at me... but that was a big maybe and I heavily doubted it.

I took another step through the hallway and everyone seemed to follow me with their eyes, all moving back at the same time like they were scared of me or I was infected with a disgusting disease. I gazed around the hallway, but I didn't recognize anyone. I began shaking and hyperventilating, like the drugs weren't working at all.

"I think she's going to go bipolar again," I heard a voice from the crowd of people whisper. I looked around angrily, trying hard not to show it. "Guys, go back to what you were doing! Nothing to see!" I heard Jake's voice call. Everyone began mumbling and turning away, creating a gap where Jake was standing. I smiled at him and sighed as he held his hand out to me. I quickly grabbed his hand and ran closer to him, feeling tempted to hug him, but pushing off the urge. "Marley won't be mad?" I whispered, staring at our hands worriedly.

"No." Jake laughed, beginning to walk with me down the hallway. "What are you doing here alone?" He asked. "Finn said Tina'd meet me there, but she didn't and then everyone was like staring at me and I started to freak out." I told him quickly, gazing up at him and anxiously biting my lip. "So like Tina." He muttered, rolling his eyes. I looked down at my feet and sighed heavily. "How'd they find out, Jake? I don't understand." I whispered, tears gathering in my eyes. "Hey, Ange," Jake stopped me in my tracks and spun me around to face him. "Just... don't worry about what other people think, 'kay?" He whispered with a smile. I frowned but nodded at him, nevertheless. He squeezed my hand tightly before he led me into the choir room, where everyone was standing in front of a giant purple banner.

They all yelled out different things after noticing my arrival, all of them based around, "Yay, she's back!". I pulled a smile at them and pushed my hair behind my ear. I suddenly caught Ryder standing in the middle of the crowd, smiling at me. I laughed quietly as Ryder pushed through a couple of people and came over to me, pulling me into a hug. We didn't say a word to each other, we just stood there, hugging..

"We're glad you're well and back." The wheelchair bound kid smiled, nodding his head. "Thanks," I whispered pulling away from Ryder and gripping onto his shirt tightly. "Are you on any medication?" A girl- an Asian- asked suddenly. I saw everyone give her a glare, but I answered anyway. "I-I am" I stuttered.

"Well, we're glad you're back." A boy with black hair told me, smiling like everyone else. I nodded slightly. I didn't believe them just yet. I don't think they really liked me; most likely, they were being forced to.

With Ryder, I felt like his likeness for me wasn't forced at all- it gave me this special feeling deep in my stomach. _Love. _

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**Hope you all liked this chapter, peoples whom are reading this :) **

**And while I'm here in the author's note, I thought I'd fan-girl over the stuff my Mum has told me to shut up about; FIRSTLY, THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN ALL WEEK... THE JENNOIST ENGAGEMENT RUMOURS :D Okay, so, they haven't been confirmed but it's still giving me so much joy that I just... I CAN'T HOLD ALL OF MY FEELS. I was with my family when I found out about the rumour and I kind of threw my phone and starting crying (this is how much I love Ryley/ Jennoist) and everyone was just freaked out... okay, I haven't been able to tell that story so... sorry :\ And Adam Lambert is going to be in season 5 now! Yaay! I actually like Adam Lambert (not because he sung with Angie Miller... that's not entirely the reason...) Anyway, I'm sorry for the weird rant I had just then. **

**khfan12; Table flipping is awesome, though. Like, tables flying through the air is the coolest thing everr. And yeah, there are people in the world like this or that or whatever tense we're using right now, but I don't really think the label 'emo' is right with them. I don't know, I just don't think they should be labelled 'emo'- when I think of emo, I think of the people with the straight hair and the crazy piercings and stuff (I think I'm thinking of the 'scene' thing, though.) :) Thank you again for being the only person reviewing right now... I have to thank you again, it's an impulse. x**


	14. Chapter 14

After being followed around most of the day, I was finally left alone. Everyone had been stalking me all day, making sure I didn't do anything to harm myself. I was seriously getting on my nerves. They didn't understand.

But now, finally, I was left alone and was able to think properly... about the fact I was literally dying to burn myself or hurt myself in any way possible.

It had been ages since I hurt myself and my skin was itching to be burnt. It was driving me insane not being able to inflict pain upon myself. I needed it, and I didn't know why nobody understood it. I needed pain to feel settled and without it, I would most likely take the suicide route... I had once and I wasn't afraid to again.

I looked around me carefully, making sure none of the Glee club members were around me before I pulled up my jacket sleeve and ran my fingers lightly over the burns before I dug my nails into my skin. I took in a deep breath at the light sting in my arm. It gave me a bit of relief but it wasn't enough... I needed more.

"Hey," I heard Brittany's voice behind me and I froze in my spot. I cursed under my breath and dug my nail's deeper into my arm, trying to draw blood.

Finn's so protective of me- much to my annoyance- that he set up a schedule for the Glee kids to monitor me, and now it must be Brittany's turn. Why else would she be talking to me?

I pulled my nails from my arm as she ran up next to me. There were small cuts on my arm, but they were barely bleeding. I shook my head and put my nail's to my arm again, digging my nails in and hoping for blood this time.

"What are you doing after school?" Brittany asked me, gripping her books close to her chest. "Nothing, but Finn's got me on the supervision schedule," I muttered, wincing as the pain in my arm got slightly worse. "Oh, well, I was going to get you on Fondue For Two." She smiled. I gave her a confused look, and she attempted to explain about her web show, but I'm not too sure she knows that I'm not good with technology.

"It's an internet talk show in which I run with my cat, Lord Tubbington; it combines two of my favourite things; talking and food." She said. I nodded at her as we turned a corner, coming face to face with two jocks in football jackets.

__I stopped walking and dug my nails into my arm deeper, starting to shake as the two jocks glared at me. I looked across at Brittany, who looked frightened. I didn't want to ask her what exactly was going on because I knew it would be bad. I looked back at the jocks and down at their cups. "Welcome to Loser Land!" One of them shouted before he threw the contents of the cup at me.

It stung me all over... and I weirdly liked it. It was like a weight off of my shoulders. It didn't bring as much pain to me as burning would, but it hurt. The slush stung my eyes and my skin, especially where I had broken it. The slush made it's way into the small cuts I'd made with my nails and it set me arm on fire. It was a relief.

Before long, I felt a hand clearing the slush off my top. Brittany's hand. I wanted to tell her to stop; to let me suffer, but I couldn't speak. The pain was so intense it took all of my words away. I then heard a clatter and Ryder's voice through my ears. "I will kill you if you ever hurt her again." I opened my eyes slowly, pain coming over them too and looked to him. "Ryder, calm down!" I shouted suddenly.

Ryder separated himself from one of the football players and came over to me. "Are you okay?" He asked, wiping my face lightly. "Fine," I snapped, pushing him away and walking down the corridor, coming face-to-face with a group of giggling Cheerios. I couldn't cry in front of them. I'd never hear the end of it. "Aw, bipolar's been slushied. What you going to do? Rage?" A brunette at the front of the pack asked me asked me. I rolled my eyes and winced slightly before pushing past her and running down the hallway.

"Ange!" I heard Ryder shout down the hall, but all of the noise from him stopped suddenly. I let out a quiet sob as I pushed my way to the girls bathroom. I ran in and stared at myself in the mirror; I looked so tired and over it all... I was over it all. I hated not being able to hurt myself. I had a horrible obsession with pain- I needed it to be able to focus, otherwise my life was just a giant tunnel of darkness.

I let out a sob and turned around, hitting my head against the wall between the two cubicles. I smashed it against there again, the pain not enough to satisfy me. I pulled off the jacket I was wearing and threw it on the floor, digging my nails into my skin again and tearing at it, hoping to rip off my skin.

I pulled at it, but it only broke the skin and made it bleed slightly- there wasn't any pain though. I needed more of it to survive right now. I spun around and looked at myself in the mirror through my teary eyes. I let out a loud, strangled sob and put my hands through my hair, pulling at it and trying to tug my hair from it's roots. I'd do anything to feel something... It was driving me insane not being able to get to burn myself.

Nobody understood what it was like to be obsessed with hurting yourself- nobody understood how insane it drove me when I couldn't burn myself. Pain was comforting.

I spun around and kicked the wall, screaming. I pulled my hands out of my hair and punched the wall a couple of times, trying to get my hands to sting. I looked to my arm again and dug my nails into it, pulling off the skin, creating a large bleeding graze on my arm, across some of the burns. I let out a sigh at the pain it brought me and sunk to my knees, punching the wall weakly one more time.

Sobbing even harder than before, I closed my eyes and hit myself in the stomach as hard as I possibly could. I wasn't sure I could cope any longer without the pain I needed. This was all too hard.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Dedicated to Cory Monteith. R.I.P. Frankenteen.**

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(Song used; Battle Scars by Guy Sebastian feat. Lupe Fiasco)

I was still shaken up from the earlier events from the day- the slushie, the complete panic attack I had in the bathroom and the fact that my arm was on fire from where I'd ripped the skin. I was aching all over from how many times I had hit myself and I wouldn't be surprised if my skin was covered in bruises and grazes... everything stung.

"We have to." Sam whispered to Brittany from behind me. "This was your idea." He whispered. I pulled myself from Ryder's embrace and spun around slightly, staring up at the blonde couple. "This was your idea, Britt." Sam said to her, playing with her ponytail. I frowned and looked to Ryder, who had also spun around to watch the blondes. Ryder slid his hand onto my thigh and rubbed it up and down, giving me tingles. "Yeah, but what if Angie doesn't like it?" Brittany whispered, staring at her hands. _Angie doesn't like what? _I frowned and sat up a little straighter, narrowing my eyes at them. "You said that she was digging her nails into her arm while you were walking, so she has to like this." She saw it. I was stupid enough to think that she didn't see me digging my nails into my arm. I sighed heavily and spun back around, staring ahead of me at the piano. Luckily, Ryder's attention on them had disappeared and he was now listening to Jake talking... I don't know what he would have done if he knew I was trying to hurt myself. I sunk in my seat, Brittany and Sam still whispering.

After a couple of long minutes, Finn happily walked, smiling brightly at me and only me. I weakly returned it and sat up straighter in my eat, ready to pay attention to whatever Finn had to say. I reached across and grabbed Ryder's hand tightly. Finn opened his mouth after picking up one of the markers resting on the whiteboard before closing his mouth and pointing directly at Brittany.

I spun around again and stared at Brittany whose hand was stuck up in the air. She smiled and began talking. "Sam and I want to sing a song... for Angie because she needs it." Brittany smiled slightly, walking to the front of the room with Sam in tow. "Oh, dear God no." I whispered, shaking my head quickly. She was seriously singing to me, wasn't she?

She pulled a stool over from the corner of the room and sat in the middle next to Sam, a huge smile on her face. I raised my eyebrows at her- only to be greeted with a smile- before she began singing with Sam;

_"Hope the wound heals but it never does_  
_That's cause you're at war with love_  
_You're at war with love, yeah,"_

I looked up at them shocked as they continued. They were doing this... they were singing to me about this. My heart felt like it was breaking into so many pieces that I'd never be able to pick it up. Everyone else was enjoying this performance, but I very well wasn't. By the time they got to the second chorus, I had had a enough of listening to them sing about scars and being hurt by love and all of that jazz.

I stood up, knocking over my chair, and stormed out of the choir room as quick as I could, trying not to cry. I starting running down the hallway, passing my locker and freezing when I noticed the black squiggles across the green surface. I turned to it and walked closer to it, staring at the words written in large black marker in what looked like a 5-year-olds handwriting.

_Self harmer  
_

_Suicidal freak_

_Crazy_

_Bipolar _

_Rager_

_Weirdo_

_Emo_

I stood there for a moment, staring at the words before the tears began to pour down my face. They all felt the same way about me as I felt about myself. I gripped my sleeves and began tugging on them, biting on my hand. Before long, I felt sick at the sight of the words and began rubbing at the marker with my sleeve and sobbing even harder when it wouldn't come off.

"Ange?" I heard Ryder's voice from around the corner and I continued to cry, feeling too weak to fight against the tears. I looked up at the words scrawled across my locker and rubbed at them harder with my hoodie sleeve, desperately trying to erase the insults. Ryder ran up to me and hugged me around the waist a moment before I felt so weak that I fell to my knees.

He sighed quietly and sat down next to me on the ground, hugging me tightly and whispering comforting things in my head. My head was leaning against the lockers, looking at him through teary eyes.

"Ange, it's okay." He said, putting a gentle hand on my forearm and staring at me with those beautiful brown eyes that on a normal occasion would make me melt inside. I shook my head frantically, trying to take in a couple of breaths, but choking on them. "Shh," Ryder shushed me, coming closer to me. "All of this; it means nothing." He shook his head, trying to look at my eyes. I closed them, trying to control my breathing and stop myself from coughing any more than I was.

"You're stronger than them. You're stronger than every single one of those losers. They take their anger and sadness out on other people and you keep it all inside. Though it's not at all safe for you, it's admirable that you can put up with all of that and still be here today." There was a silence between us- only my loud coughs and sobs being heard- before Ryder spoke up again. "It's not a sign of weakness, Ange." I coughed loudly again before my stomach started to throb and something came up in my throat.

I got up quickly and ran to the bathroom with shaking legs, Ryder chasing me. I pushed open the heavy door just in time. I ran into the first cubicle I saw and stood over it, vomiting up what was in my stomach. The vomit in the toilet bowl was a horrible light green colour and the sight of it just made me feel even more sicker. Ryder pet my back as I vomited, pulling my hair back. I continued to sob after I vomited for the last time, falling to my knees in front of the toilet. Ryder flushed the toilet and pulled me out of the cubicle slightly, just so he could sit next to me. He leaned me against the little wall between the cubicles and touched my hair lightly.

"Oh," I heard a girlish voice say as the door opened. I looked over at the girl, standing over Ryder and I looking shocked- she was tall and blonde with bright green eyes in a Cheerio's skirt. It must have been one of the girls from earlier in the day because she looked so familiar. The toilet door opened again seconds after, Kitty standing there looking worried with sweat running down her head. I sat up shakily and looked up at Kitty, opening my mouth to speak- to ask her why she was here- but the tall blonde cut me off.

"Did you try to drown yourself in the toilet bowl?" She asked with her hand on her hip and a smug smile on her face. I looked away from her and cuddled into Ryder, gripping onto his thigh tightly to relieve my stress.

"Shut it!" I heard Kitty shout as she stormed across the bathroom to meet the girl. "You're being a bitch." Kitty told her, her voice sounding so angry... it was so strange to hear a girl who would sometimes taunt me stick up for me. One of the two was chuckling before I heard a loud crack.

I turned my head around to see Kitty looked absolutely mortified with her hand on her face. "Hey," I choked out, trying to stop the girl from hurting Kitty, but my voice was drowned out by Kitty's hand flying to the blonde's face and slapping her back. I used Ryder to stand up and walked out of the bathroom, frightened of the sight in front of me. I held onto Ryder's hand as I walked outside and collapsing against the nearest wall.

"I-I-" I stopped talking, there not knowing what to say to him. How could I explain my breakdown? "Angie, just breathe." Ryder told me, rubbing my leg to calm me. I nodded and crawled over to him, pulling him into a loose hug. "Thank you," I whispered against his shoulder.

"I love you. I know I love you." He replied, rubbing my back and kissing my cheek. "I love you too." I said, pulling back and giving him a soft kiss on the lips. "You saved me, Ryd, and I don't understand why you care so much about me." I said, touching his silky hair lightly and trying to ignore the cat fight happening in the bathroom. Ryder went to speak but I put my finger to his lips, staring at my sleeve to make sure it didn't fall. He grabbed my wrist and pulled it down again. "I knew what I was getting myself into, babe. But I don't care because I'll do anything to make sure that the girl I'm sure I love is okay." He muttered, scooting closer to me and kissing my forehead. "Let's get you home now, 'kay?" Ryder raised his eyebrows and I nodded in reply, shakily standing up with the help of Ryder and the wall.

_Thank you for saving me, Ryder Lynn. _

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**Hope you liked this chapter :) It felt so wrong writing and editing for a week, but I'm back now. I'm still truly saddened by Cory's death and I still don't think I will ever get my head around. R.I.P. Cory. You'll be forever missed.  
**

**And the main reason I didn't want to update this is because Finn is a huge part of this story and it feels so strange because I know he's not there in real life and that we'll never see him again :'( **

**Nevertheless, khfan, sorry for not replying to your review last time I updated. I was in a rush and decided to delete the whole chapter once I had finished with it. **

**-Camryn x**


	16. Chapter 16

I'm not too sure how I got out of both Ryder and Finn's guidance- especially with the Glee club looking over me. They were talking at the piano, Ryder looking all adorable and concerned and I just stood up and slid out of the door, desperately wanting to do _something _to myself.

I slid out of the room and leaned against the lockers around the corner, sighing deeply and closing my eyes, only to be haunted by the vision of my parents. I hadn't been taking my medication- one of the stupidest things I could possibly do- and since then, my visions had become more frequent and scarier.

Taking a shaky breath, I pulled on my jacket sleeves and ran down the hallway, swerving around corners and running out of breath, I ran into the only place I knew they would have something that could harm me- the kitchen. I barely knew my way around, though and ended up running for what felt like an hour but in reality was only 10 minutes.

By the time I reached the kitchen, I was exhausted and felt like fainting or sleeping, but I had to do something about my pain- and I felt as if I had to end it to feel anything. I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

I walked around the kitchen, clumsily running into the tables and racks. I could feel my breathing getting heavier and quicker as I stalked around, trying to find a knife or something like that, but my breathing was the last thing on my clouded mind. My mind was only on one thing; do it before you're taken away or stopped.

I started filing through every single draw there was, not finding anything that could actually be used to hurt myself in anyway. It was like this damned kitchen was 'Angie proof' or something. I stood up quickly from going through a draw near the floor, spotting a woman about a metre or two away from me, looking concerned to have found me in here. "Uh, hi," She said quietly, raising her eyebrows. I couldn't help but let disappointment flood through me. "Can I help you with anything?"

"No... just leave me alone." I snapped with a roll of my eyes, looking back through the drawers and bending over. "Are you sure?" She asked, obviously sensing something was really, really wrong. "I'm fine! Just leave me alone so I can kill mys-" I put my hand over my mouth, notcing my stupid mistake and stood up, leaning against the cold counter. I told her, didn't I? I actually said to her what I wanted to do... I can't do anything right, can I?

"Come over here and have a chat with me." She whispered, pulling out a stool from the bench behind her, taking a seat. There was a matching one on the other side of it, so I stared at the seat for moment before sitting on it awkwardly, shuffling. I looked back down at the draw I opened before and spotted the knives glinting in the light that came through the window. "I'm Miss Rose," She smiled slightly. "You are?" I ignored her and looked down at the table, tracing my fingers along the cracks. "Angie." I murmured after a short while.

"You're in Glee club, right?" She asked, suddenly recognising me. I nodded, looking at my hands and filing my nails with the palm of my hand. "My daughter's in Glee club." Miss Rose sighed happily. "Marley- that Glee club made her so happy and even got her a boyfriend... her first boyfriend."

"Wait, Marley?" I whispered, raising my eyebrows. Marley looked so different to Miss Rose, I never would have been able to tell. Miss Rose nodded. "Don't tell her what I said a couple of seconds ago." I shook my head quickly and tugged on my sleeves again, staring back down at the knives. How tempting they were. I opened my mouth and ran my hand through my hair. "Marley's helped me... a lot-"

"Angie!" I was suddenly cut off by Ryder's voice and some loud clattering. I spun around frantically and stared at the door to the kitchen. Ryder appeared from behind the corner, looking sweaty and teary with a whisk in his hand. I smiled weakly at his worried face as he came up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning his head on my shoulder.

"Oh, my god. I was so worried." He sighed, kissing my shoulder lightly. "I nearly lost you once Ange, and I'm not losing you again." He whispered, pulling back and kissing my nose softly, before saying hi to Miss Rose. "Hey, Miss Rose, thanks." Ryder smiled, cupping my face in his hands. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips before smiling brightly at me. "I'm so glad you're okay, babe." He sighed, twirling one of my curls around his finger. I nodded and looked at the ground, swallowing the invisible lump in my throat.

I stared back down at the knives in the drawer and sighed heavily. I needed to feel pain... and sometimes I think I need it more than I need Ryder, which scares me.

{}

I was seated in the lounge room of Finn's house, on the opposite side of the couch to Finn- staying as far away as possible. We sat in silence while the TV blared some stupid cartoon called Angela Anaconda, which Finn seemed totally into.

I was picking at my nails, thinking about what I did today. I felt incredibly guilty, and that guilt drowned me. I felt so bad about it... and my plan about not telling Finn just added to my guilt.

"Finn," I sighed, looking over at him. I was still debating whether to tell him or not, but I had no idea how to continue that lie. "Yeah?" He said, still staring at the TV screen and letting out a small chuckle. He picked up the remote and turned on mute. "I-I have to tell you something, and I really don't want you to get mad at me."

"I won't." Finn said slowly, looking at me. "What is it?" He showed a small smile and stared right into my eyes. "Today, when you were, uh, talking to Ryder in the choir room, I walked out and I went to the kitchen thing and I found some knives there..." I trailed off, feeling the tears of guilt prickle at my eyes. Finn sighed and stretched over the small couch, giving me a hug.

We both stayed silent, just hugging for a moment. Finn suddenly broke the silence with a sigh."Don't try anything again, please, Ange," Finn whispered with a worried tone in his voice. "I won't. I'll try not to, anyway." I whispered, wrapping my arms around Finn and closing my eyes. "I'm really sorry." I shook my head and gazed up at Finn as he pulled away. "Ange, don't worry 'bout it." Finn rubbed my arm and smiled brightly, comfortingly.

The very thought of killing myself made my arms itchy and it made them begin to sting. The itching was irritating, but I couldn't give into the temptation. Instead of running out of the room and trying to find something I could use to burn myself, I just gripped onto Finn's thigh tightly and closed my eyes, thinking of Ryder and Ryder only. "It'll all be okay in time, Ange."

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**Heey! I finally managed to edit this chapter, yay! My account was being really strange and was only working on the really small computer we have in our house and I can't do anything on that one... stupid computers. Anyway...**

**khfan12; Wait. Those rumors are true? HOLY SHIZZLE MA FIZZLE, BRIZZLE. :DD Life = made. :) And yeah, Brittany and Sam _tried _to help by using their awesome blonde powers but it failed... Thanks for reviewing on the previous chapter. **

**Alex B. Goode; Wow, thank you for all of your kind reviews :) I was really shocked when I woke up and found all of your reviews on here! It truly made my day! Thank you so much! I truly appreciate it! **

**-Camryn x**


	17. Chapter 17

(Song used: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift feat. the Civil Wars)

"Ange," Ryder said, grabbing my hand tightly as we were walking to Glee club. I was still shaken up from yesterday's event (where I had gone crazy and tried to find some way to kill myself). Admitting that to Finn was such a big deal for me, and it didn't take any weight off of my shoulders; to be honest, it brought me more worry. "I want you to come with me," Ryder grinned, breaking out into a small jog down the silent hallway.

"Why?" I questioned as he pulled me down the hall, running to catch up with his fast speed. "Because," he said, kissing my cheek as he came to a brief stop... before he began running _again._ He went silent from there, a small and beautiful smirk on his face. I smiled too, trying to find out what he was doing.

He stopped at the auditorium and led me down the steps backwards, staring into my eyes with such passion and love that I felt butterflies gather in my stomach. He stopped on the stage and dropped my hand, stepping forward and cupping my face with his hands, leaning down to kiss me softly. "Why'd you bring me here?"I whispered just after he pulled away, our lips brushing up against each others as we talked. "Because," He took a breath as some people came in and sat behind the instruments on the back of the stage. "I want to sing with you"

"Nope." I laughed, walking away from him with my hands up, but he grabbed my wrist and spun me around quickly. "Please. Just one song." He begged, his puppy dog eyes staring at me. I took in a deep breath, tempted to give in to him, but I shook my head violently. There was no way that Ryder was hearing me sing. "No, Ryder." I snapped, pulling my hand away. "I'm not singing." I stepped back, going to walk down the stairs but Ryder's voice stop me. "Then let me sing to you." He whispered. I twirled one of my curls around my finger and turned back around slowly. "Please?" He raised his eyebrows. Running back up the stairs, I jogged to Ryder and pulled him into a hug. "Fine." I whispered, kissing his shoulder. When I pulled away, Ryder ran to the piano on the other side of the stage and handed me a piece of paper. "Just in case you want to join." He shrugged.

_Safe and Sound._

I read the title and looked up at him. He had a beautiful smile on his face, which made me smile, too. "It's about you and me." He sighed, grabbing my left hand. I stayed silent, staring into his brown eyes again. "I made you feel safe, and you made me feel like I had a chance at true love." He picked up my hand and kissed it softly, not breaking eye contact with me.

Ryder walked behind me, but I stayed put, staring at the sheet music in my hand. I felt Ryder's hands around my waist and I jumped slightly. "I love you," He whispered into my ear before soft music rang through the auditorium. I looked around me and saw the guys who walked in playing the instruments.

_I remember tears streaming down your face_  
_When I said, "I'll never let you go"_  
_When all those shadows almost killed your light_  
_I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"_  
_But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight_

I smiled at him as he came in front of me with a smile and his hand still on my waist. He was completely amazing; he looked amazing and he sounded amazing too. Why couldn't I be perfect like Ryder? Why couldn't I do something special?

_Just close your eyes_  
_The sun is going down_

Ryder smiled at me and spun me around slowly. Him singing straight to me made me feel so... nice. It made me feel like I could have been worth it. I dropped the sheet music as he spun me around, quickly throwing my arms around his neck and swaying with him.

_You'll be alright_  
_No one can hurt you now_  
_Come morning light_  
_You and I'll be safe and sound_

Ryder smiled down at me and gave me a peck on the lips. "You sound amazing." I chuckled lightly, running my fingers through his silky hair. "No," Ryder smiled, shaking his head and blushing slightly under the praise. "I don't."

"No, Ryder, you do." I whispered, running my hands down his neck and playing with the hood of his jumper. "Angie," Ryder whispered, shaking his head again. I nodded my head in reply and gave him a big hug, kissing his neck lightly. "Thanks, baby." He whispered. Ryder sighed and I pulled away from him, putting my finger to his lips to stop him from talking more. I could just tell he was going to say something degrading about himself.

Ryder rolled his eyes, a smile creeping onto his lips. Once I believed he wouldn't say another word, I trailed my finger along his cheekbone and down his jaw, to his chin. I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, pulling away as fast as I came in. He smiled weakly and hugged me tightly. "I'm going to marry you someday." He whispered against my hair. I froze. _I'm going to marry you someday. _I was speechless... why would Ryder say that? Why would anyone want to marry me? "I will. I promise." Ryder said, stroking my hair.

"Even if I'm completely insane?" I muttered. Ryder sighed heavily. "You never will be, Angie." I heavily doubted that Ryder would get a chance to marry me in the future, because with the numerous suicide attempts that have been passing through my mind, I think one of them will eventually succeed.

After a moment of silence, Ryder spoke up, "I want you to come over to my house tonight, Angie." He said, pulling away from me and staring at me again. "Why?" I asked, confused. "I want you to meet my parents, and we can have out very first official date, kind of... with my parents." He laughed, biting his lip to hide a smile.

I laughed weakly in return. "Sounds like fun," I whispered, tugging on my jacket sleeves. I saw Ryder's smile grow bigger, and I saw the joy in his eyes. "We'll go ask Finn now, okay?" I nodded at him as he dragged me out of the auditorium, running his thumb over the back of my hand. My hand felt so tiny in Ryder's large hand. "We're late for Glee club, woops." He chuckled, exchanging a glance with me.

Despite the fact we were late for Glee club, Ryder walked really slowly. I guess he was just enjoying the peace and quiet between the two of us, holding hands and swinging them back and forth like a proper, happy, teenage movie couple. We were far from that, though.

Once we reached the choir room, we recieved stares from everyone but Ryder ignored it, happily skipping to his chair in the front of the room. He sat me down in the chair next to him. He threw his arm around me and kissed my cheek softly. "As I was saying..." Finn shouted, clapping his hands. I smiled at my legs as Ryder rubbed his nose against my cheek. "I'm excited for tonight." Ryder whispered. "Me, too." I smiled up at him and leaned my head on his shoulder. I was in love Ryder.

And love was something I never ever thought I'd be blessed with in my life.

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**Yo, yo, yo, yo! How long has it actually been since I've updated? It feels like it's been quite while... I just really didn't feel like writing over the past week or two. You know, family things :\ Anyways, this chapter was really short and I tried to make it longer but you know... /YOU TRIED STAR. **

**khfan12: Yeah, I thought they were going to delay filming for Glee for like another month or so because I honestly wouldn't want to go to school/work or whatever a whole week after I lost a friend. To be honest, I wouldn't want to do anything for the rest of my life. You feel me? Oh, and did you hear what they're calling the tribute episode? I cried: _Forever Finn. _Fetch the tissues, we're all going to be depressed for days! Blonde powers don't work most times... that's why I don't have any blonde friends, haha. I'm kidding, I do have like one blonde friend. And sometimes these blonde powers wo- I'm gonna shut up now. And I'm glad you liked the fact that Miss Rose talked to Angie- I just really, really love Miss Rose and I needed some way to fit her into the story. I too wonder what Miss Rose and Angie would have talked about it Ryder hadn't of come in, lol. This was really, really long, I'm sorry :P xx**

**-Camypoo**


	18. Chapter 18

_Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong._

The doorbell rang loudly through the house, echoing off of the walls. I stood up but before I could get up to get the door, Finn darted from his spot on the couch next to me and answered the door. "Yo, bro," Finn grinned. I smiled slightly at his incorrect English as Ryder came into the house.

I smiled at him and Ryder smiled back at me, shoving his hands into his pockets. He looked so innocent and adorable; I just wanted to wrap him in my arms and never let go. "Hi." I whispered, walking to him.

"Hey, Ange," He said, pulling me into a tight hug. I smiled into his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him.

"You ready?" He asked in a quiet voice, pulling away from me and kissing my nose. I nodded and grabbed him by the hand, glancing up Finn slightly. He looked hesitant to let me go with Ryder, but then he also looked happy. We said goodbye to Finn and jumped into Ryder's car (which he told me was his Mom's and he was allowed to drive it.)

"You look beautiful," Ryder told me, bringing his hand up to my cheek and giving me a kiss on the lips, his nose rubbing up against mine.

"Thanks," I whispered, blowing a shaky breath onto his face. I played with my fingers in my lap and looked down, picking at my nail anxiously.

"Are you okay?" Ryder asked, tapping my chin lightly to make me look up at him. I nodded and gave him a kiss, feeling tingles of happiness go through my body.

This must be what it feels like to be over the moon.

"Are you sure?" Ryder asked again, rubbing my hand with his thumb and squeezed it lightly. I mutely nodded with a smile on my face- I was so, so anxious but that couldn't push away the feeling I was having now; pure happiness. "Well, we are going to have the best night ever." He chuckled, kissing me one last time before starting to drive away from Finn's house. He kept his hand atop of my thigh the whole way there, rubbing it lightly every now and then.

This is love.

{}

When we reached Ryder's house, I felt comfortable, my nerves fading away. The house had this feel to it that made me what to snuggle up inside of it, or maybe that was just Ryder. Nevertheless, I didn't feel uncomfortable and I kind of enjoyed that feeling.

Ryder led me up the driveway and into the house, opening the door slowly and welcoming me in. The house was warm and cosy, with red painted walls and pictures of Ryder and his family along the walls.

He slid his hand around my waist and leaned down, his mouth coming to my ear."Mom can be... awkward sometimes, so pretend she's not there." Ryder smiled and brushed down my hair lightly. I slowly nodded and bit my trembling lip.

Ryder led me through the lounge room and dining room before stopping in the doorway of the kitchen. "Hey, Mom, I have my awesome and beautiful girlfriend, Angie, here and we're going to my room but we're going to leave the door open." Ryder said quickly and loudly, dragging me away again.

"I don't think she understood exactly what I said." Ryder whispered, leading me up the stairs and to his room on the left of the stairs. Inside the room was a large double bed in the center with matching bedside tables. The tables on the sides were covered in magazine's with racy pictures of girls on the front, making me feel slightly self conscious. There was a giant poster of a half naked model on the roof of his room, and there was a fallen one next to the cupboard.

Crawlinh onto the bed, Ryder lied down, patting the spot next to him and looking over at me. I crawled on there, taking off my flats and smoothing down the dress Quinn had forced me to buy; I honestly thought I'd never need a dress like this.

I smiled at Ryder and swung my legs back and forth in the air. I honestly felt happy, and there was _nothing_ better than this. "You look beautiful," Ryder said, putting his hand on my cheek and smiling. I closed my eyes and rubbed my face up against his hand, loving the feeling of his skin on mine.

Ryder sat up and leaned against the headboard of his bed, taking his hand away from my face and now toying with my hair. "I honestly cannot believe you are mine, you're perfect..." Ryder muttered.

"I can't believe that I've found love." I sighed, shuffling over and leaning my chin on his legs. "I've always thought my life would be nothing but shit, and now I'm sitting here with someone I love more than anything and I'm actually smiling."

"You're perfect." Ryder repeated, running his hand through my hair. "I love you." Ryder pulled me up onto his lap and touching my shoulder lightly. I blushed and stared at his lips, his finger running up and down my arm.

"I love you too." I told him, playing with the hem of his orange jumper.

"Ange, can I tell you a secret?" Ryder said suddenly, his eyes wide. I nodded, moving my gaze from his lips to his soft, brown eyes. He took his hand away from my shoulder and rested it on my thigh. "About three or four months ago, I found out I had dyslexia." He said, looking away from me like he was ashamed. I frowned and leaned forward, kissing his cheek comfortingly.

"You're amazing." I whispered against him with a smile. Ryder pushed my lips from his cheek and pulled me closer to him, making me sit further up his thighs.

"No, you're amazing." He winked.

{}

After a couple of hours of talking (Ryder doing most of the talking) and rolling around the bed and playing with each others hair, Ryder's Mom came into the room with a large smile on her face, holding a purple mug.

"Hi, Angela," Her using my full name made me feel kind of awkward and... scared. No one ever used my full name... only my parents, though and they hadn't treated me well at all... "I'm Ryder's Mom." Her smile only grew larger and she leaned against the door frame.

I nodded and forced a smile back at her, my hands shaking. Ryder reached across and grabbed my hand, as if he was sensing my fear.

There was a silence in the room after Ryder's Mom stopped talking, and she looked kind of upset that I didn't respond. "She's shy, Mom," Ryder whispered loudly.

"Oh, well, dinner's ready." She shrugged, walking out of view.

I sighed once I knew she had disappeared. "You haven't told her about my... problems?" I asked, glancing at Ryder.

"I promised I wouldn't tell anyone," Ryder nodded, "and I wouldn't tell anyone unless you told me to."

"Thanks," I whispered, pecking his cheek and jumping off the bed. "You heard your Mom." I reached across and pulled Ryder toward me.

Ryder pulled me down the stairs and led me to the dining room, where both of his parents were seated, looking so prim and proper. I gripped Ryder's hand tighter over out nervousness and walked into the room. Ryder's Dad looked at me and then back down at his plate, like he didn't like me...

I sat down with his parents in the seat Ryder had pulled out for me. I pulled on the tablecloth anxiously as Ryder took the seat next me with a smile. I said a quick hello to both of his parents before I went silent, not daring to talk anymore.

The conversation began quite quickly; they told me stories about Ryder as we ate, but I didn't contribute in their conversations like a polite person would. Ryder gripped my hand the whole way through dinner, rubbing it when he felt like I was feeling tense or upset.

"So," Ryder's Mom began with a bright smile. I began to feel panicked straight away. "Angie," She sighed, ignoring Ryder shaking his head beside me. He gripped my hand tighter and tugged it towards the ground, making me tilt slightly. I put on my brave face, confused as to what I would be asked about. "How long a have you been in Lima?"

"Her whole life," Ryder answered quickly for me. I squeezed his hand gratefully. I didn't want to talk around people I just met. And as far as I'm concerned, they still don't have my trust.

"Ryder, you shouldn't interrupt people." His Mom said, shaking her head at him.

"I-I-I'm not," He shook his head with a sigh. The room suddenly went silent and Ryder wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He kissed my forehead lightly and rubbed his nose again it. "Sorry... if it's awkward." He muttered. I shook my head and smiled up at him, trying not to feel completely scared when I looked up at his parents. They frightened me... and I wasn't sure why.

{}

I hate being sneaky, but I had to do this. My arms were itching and burning and I couldn't stop shaking; and I finally realized that it wasn't from complete and utter fear. It was because I wasn't able to burn myself. I needed to do this again- I hadn't in a week, and I was honestly sick of waiting.I was sick of being in pain because I couldn't inflict pain upon myself. I needed this.

When Ryder was occupied by his parents, I walked away from them and down the stairs. I went to the kitchen, right next to the dining room, and began snooping through the cupboards.

I knew it wasn't likely that Ryder's family actually had any lighters, but it seemed the odds were in my favor; As I snooped through a cupboard just out of my reach, I hit my hand against something that felt oddly familar to a lighter... and when I pulled it out, there is was. Bright blue and filled with liquid. I hadn't seen one in a week and it felt so good to have the freedom again.

I held it in my hands and stared at the clear blue casing before it was suddenly snatched out of my hands. I looked around me, but Ryder wasn't anywhere to be found... and then I felt his chest pressing up against my back and I knew he was behind me. But before before I could say anything or spin around to yell at him, he put his hand around my mouth and starting whispering in my ear, "Ange, it's okay."

I shook my head and began to cry as he wrapped his arm around my stomach. "Shh," He said, turning me around and pulling me into a hug, pushing my face into his shoulder. "Angie, you have to try and break this."

"I can't!" I whispered to him, a small sob coming out of my mouth. "I haven't burnt myself in a week and I'm going insane without it. I need this, Ry."

"Ange, you're strong enough to not do this to yourself." Ryder whispered, pulling away from me slightly. He grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes. Ryder shook his head and pulled me into a hug.

"Trust me, you can get over this." He murmured into my hair. I trusted him, but I knew I wouldn't get over this addiction. This would stick with me my whole life, until it finally killed me. And if the addiction didn't kill me, the bipolar would.

"I can't!" I told him again, digging my nails into my hand to try and let my body have some sort of pain... but it'd never be enough. I needed to burn myself; I needed to feel something.

"Ange, I believe in you, Finn believes in you, everyone believes in you... You just have to believe in yourself now." He poked my back and squeezed me tighter, like he could squeeze all of my worries out with a simple hug. "Do you want me to take you home?" He asked, noticing my horrid state.

"No." I said weakly, my voice cracking. "I want to just stay with you a little longer, please?"

* * *

**It's been a couple of weeks since I've updated this last; I'm sorry, I've been busy procrastinating. Anywho, my babies were at the TCAs and I'm still not over it... they took photos together, I just... I can't... and Alex Koch was there! But so were my babies! But so was Alex Koch! I'm kinda pissed that he nor Under The Dome didn't won anything, though. Anyway, before I go completely crazy with a useless authors note... **

**khfan12: I'm glad that they wanted to be together now, though. Because, like, they're perf and they just... they power my feels :P and did you see at the TCAs where Melissa was doing an interview and she went to tuck her hair behind her ear and there was A RING?! Yeh, I screamed, haha.  
I'm not too sure if Forever Finn was correct, but it was on three of the Spanish FB pages I like, so... I guess we'll just have to wait until they release it formally or whatever.  
It could be both good and bad if it's two hours long, though; because we get more sweetness, but then there will be more tears and honestly, I've cried enough in the past month. This year has sucked.  
I'll have to find some way to put Miss Rose in again, haha. I think she's in the sequel, or maybe not, I don't really remember. And Ryder is always adorable! My little kitten :) Thanks for reviewing... and I seem to make these long every god damned time. Sorry!**

**-Camryn x**


	19. Chapter 19

(Song used: Gold by Britt Nicole)

It'd been weeks since I'd met Ryder's parents, and over those couple of weeks, Ryder and the Glee club had been practising for their Regionals competition, which they had in the bag. I knew they were going to win - mainly because they had Ryder singing for them, but they were also amazing singers and dancers and it was like a real concert band. Ryder was singing a duet of 'The Lost Get Found' by Britt Nicole with Tina, who desperately wanted to sing with Blaine... but Blaine had refused to sing with her. That had put Tina in a bad mood for days. The group number the Glee club was singing, though, was another Britt Nicole song - 'Gold'. Finn had chosen it and demanded that it would be dedicated to me... and everyone agreed.

I think it was because over the past couple of weeks, my urges to burn myself were just getting bigger and bigger and slowly, I was turning insane. I just so desperately needed to feel pain - the comfort of the flame against my scarred skin... I just needed to feel that strange comfort again.

Finn had noticed how badly I'd been wanting to burn - he'd notice me sit in front of the heater of his house and hold some bracelets over there until they got hot enough and I'd press them to my skin. He noticed how often I scratched at my arms and how often I'd tug on my hair, trying to fight off the temptation. But it felt impossible. All I needed was the lighter. I didn't need that stupid medication I was forced to take - I didn't need anything like that in my life.

At that moment, I was sitting backstage with the rest of the Glee club, Ryder's arm around my shoulders. I couldn't help but admire how gorgeous all of the girls looked in their sapphire dresses and high pumps. I'd kill to look like them, to be confident and care free and so, so beautiful. To have no worries and no addictions was a dream of mine, but life is unfair.

I looked to Ryder and found him staring right at me, a small smile on his face. I ran my hands over the blue tie he had on and let out a sigh, nestling my head into his chest. He was so comforting and so amazingly handsome... and to this day, it confuses me as to why he would love me.

Before long, the New Directions were called onto stage through the speaker and Ryder was hesitant to leave me. He wrapped his arm around me tighter as the Glee club surrounded us, all waiting for Ryder to stand up. "Go, Ryd," I muttered, pulling his arm off of me and patting his chest. He sent me an unsure smile before walking through the door, the club bouncing with excitement.

I smiled to myself and leaned back on the green room couch, pulling at the sleeves of my grey hoodie. Finn, from his spot on the other side of the room, walked over to me and sat on the opposite side of the couch. He reached over and grabbed my hand. "They're going to win." Finn nodded, a smile coming into his over-excited face. I loved seeing Finn happy - he's been so busy trying to help me that he's forgotten about himself and how he deserves happiness, too. I felt so bad for it.

I agreed with Finn, smiling to him and nodding my head. He scrunched his fists together and held them up in the air excitedly. I laughed and wiped my face with my sleeve. I looked down at my jeans and ran my fingers over the giant, well-placed rip on the thigh, just as an announcement came through the loudspeaker. Finn smiled. "And now, the National champions, from McKinley High, the New Directions!"

He clapped and cheered from his spot backstage, staring at the window. I smiled at him and gazed out the window, too, listening to the New Direction's singing through the speaker.

"_You're walking on the moon, and then you're feeling low, low, low," _I gazed at my foot and tapped it along to the tune of the music. "_What they said wasn't true - you're beautiful. Sticks and stones break your bones, I know what you're feeling. Words like those won't steal your glow-" __  
_

I heard talking coming from the door of the green room and I spun around, finding a small group of nicely dressed girls by the door with their phones, all gossiping. Finn looked over too with a frown, opening his mouth to ask them something before closing it again, blinking his eyes a couple of times. Finn got bored after a minute, but I continued to watch them contently.

"Did you see that kid with the green hair from that weird Glee club?" One of them asked, shrugging her shoulders. They all nodded in agreement. The first girl to speak up began to talk again. "He looked so crazy." _Crazy. _

Finn froze in his spot and took a few deep breaths, looking over at me. He had a look of shock across his face and before I knew it, my whole life was flashing before my eyes. My Mom, my Dad, all of the people who'd ever abused me were all there, all wanting to hurt me.

I wasn't sure how long I'd be going over my life, but I knew that the girls had disappeared by then - there was no more annoying chattering by the door. I'd completely zoned out, though. I barely knew what I was doing any more. I'd been taken over by something - my inner demon. I knew I'd thrown a few things and punched some stuff, but I found myself regaining my thoughts on the floor, grabbing onto my knees tightly and sobbing. Finn was standing in the doorway of the room with his hands raised in the air. I looked at him and buried my face into my knees, too ashamed to look at me. He sighed quietly and came up to me, placing his hand on my knee.

I could faintly hear Ryder singing with Tina over the P.A system, and that made me feel so much better, but as soon as his voice disappeared, I went back to having a panic. The room was a mess, with the posters that had previously been hung on the walls on the ground and a table overturned... what had I done?

"Angie, you'll be okay." Finn told me in a whisper, pulling me into a tight hug. I was too weak to push him away from me. I think that this whole panic attack had given him the hint that I wasn't taking my medication. He knew by the fact that I had completely flipped out at that simple word that I was taking the thing that was meant to make me feel better. If I was taking it, this wouldn't be happening. I wouldn't be afraid of everything and everyone.

Finn pulled away from me and stroked my curly hair in an attempt to calm me, but it did nothing - all I did was sit there, choking up with sobs. My teary eyes flickered to the doorway once I got bored of staring at a worried Finn. And at the door was one of the opposing Glee club members with their coach; I could barely make him out through my tears, but his hair was a curly mess, like mine, except darker. "Finnocence." The man said loudly. Finn turned around, angry by the voice. His voice was scary. Dark and haunted, almost. I reached forward and gripped onto Finn's arm in a panic with a choked sob, digging my nails into his bicep.

"I don't have time, Jesse," Finn snapped, turning back around to me and giving me a worried look. I stared away, looking at the stain on the ground next to me. I sobbed again and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand.

"Why?" The so-called Jesse said, taking small, careful steps into the room. I closed my eyes tightly and dug my nails into Finn's arm tighter, hoping I wasn't hurting him. "Are you too busy talking to this person who seems to be c-" Jesse made a loud grunting noise and everything in the room went silent, besides my heavy breathing and occasional sob.

"Jeez, Finn," Jesse whispered. I looked up at him, blinking the tears out of my eyes. His face seemed so hard and emotionless. He stared right at me instead of Finn, an evil look in eye. "Prepare to be crushed." Jesse said simply, glaring at Finn and I before walking out of the room again with the 'I'm done with your shit' attitude.

I let out another sob and shook my head, brushing my hair out of my face. "Shh," Finn hushed me, putting his finger on my lips. I nodded and tried to push my feelings away. I wanted to keep it together. For him... and for Ryder, too.

"Angie, I have a question." Finn sighed, rubbing his forehead before wiping the tears away from my face softly. "Have you... have been taking your medication? For, y'know the... thing."

I stared at him for a second before shaking my head slowly. What on earth was I doing? I wiped my eyes on the back of my sleeve again, staring directly into Finn's sad eyes. He looked so disappointed at me

Finn nodded sadly, pulling himself to his feet and helping me up, too. I wobbled as I regained my balance, glancing around the messed up green room. I definitely done something stupid. Finn pulled me into another hug, placing his hands on my waist. "I'm sorry," I murmured to him, gripping onto his sweater vest tightly. He stayed silent. He was mad at me. I understand why he would be, but it just made me feel like an idiot.

"Babe?" As soon as I heard Ryder's voice, I pulled away from Finn and stared at the doorway to the room. There stood Ryder in front of the Glee club like their leader or something. He stared right at me and the rest of the room before rushing forward and pulling me into a tight hug, breathing down my neck. I shivered.

"Sorry," I didn't know what else to say to him - I was clueless. Ryder picked me up quickly and held my thighs tightly, making sure I didn't fall. Out of fear, I wrapped my legs around his waist. Ryder leaned up to kiss my nose with a confused expression. He was obviously just as confused as everybody else.

"Young love." Kitty whispered, making kissing noises. I shook my head, telling her to shut up, and kissed Ryder's shoulder lightly. I could feel Finn's anger radiating behind me. "I love you so much." I whispered.

"I love you too." Ryder said, pulling away from me and kissing my lips.

"What happened?" Ryder whispered, settling me down and looking around the partly destroyed room.

"I had an outburst." I looked at the ground before Ryder put his hand under my chin and made me meet his eyes. He smirked and winked at me again, trying to comfort me. I let out a small laugh and changed the subject immediately. "How'd you go out there? I heard you over the speaker."

"Amazing, but I wished I'd been singing with you." He did that amazing smirk and slid his hand down from my waist to my thighs, rubbing his hand comfortingly up and down it. I completely ignored the fact that the whole of the Glee club was watching us.

"I'm plain sorry... to you." I whispered, before making my voice louder. "I'm sorry for everyone. I'm..." I trailed off, shaking my head and wiping my eyes. I felt so, so stupid.

"It's cool." Sam chuckled from the door, pushing through everyone and giving me a tight hug. Before long, everyone had come over to me and was giving me hugs one by one. Even Kitty, which surprised me.

"We love you." Marley whispered, pulling me into a giant hug and kissing my cheek. I felt tears prickle in my eyes but I pushed them back, refusing to cry.

Finn was at the other side of the room, looking happy, but with a tinge of sadness to him. I upset him, and that broke my heart. He had been so nice to me, and I just disrespected him... I had to make it up to him. Somehow.

* * *

**My laptop is being a douche and I am angry. I should have been doing my assignment #Camrynsharesuselessopinionsonlife**

**khfan12: Feels kill me... I don't like them, but I love them at the same time, you feel me? And aw :( The first part was good from what I can remember haha. I missed the last 10 minutes because I was sick and I fell asleep, haha. Alsoo, with the Cory episode - I read that it may be called 'The Quarterback', but that's unconfirmed... but it's confirmed that it will be two hours long. I'm not prepared for this! Are you prepared for for this? I'm glad you like Miss Rose, too, haha. This author's note is surprisingly short compared to my others... maybe because I'm tired, or I don't know. And I'm glad you liked the part where they're in the bedroom - my best friend thought that was pretty cute, haha. Hope you liked this chapter, one and only reader! xx **

**-Camryn xx**


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